even if youre not in the agency they’ll let you use their dentist

crazy artso i go all the time.

sure it can be painful, for some,

but when you feel no pain, it’s nice to have clean teeth.

a clean tongue

and a good home for all the transmitters they stuck in me.

i opened and said ahh and she said whats going on with your tonsils.

i was all i think they put something in there the other day

its been sore for about a week.

seriously, she asked.

nah, just mildly annoying a few times through the day.

first she scraped the edges of the gumline.

then each tooth got the pointy tool treatment.

then she waxed them with the gritty toothpaste.

and finally the intense flossing.

because it was time, she also took a bunch of pictures of the teeth.

a few shots with these metal things in my mouth

parting my lips away from the teeth.

best blackmail photos anyones ever had.

ten years ago i was writing Stiff but i didnt know it

and rock oni was in hell

on my way home i saw a sign that said Customer Service

i never saw this sign before and i followed the arrow to a long line.

after about an hour i made it to the front of the line and said hello to the woman who said hello back at me.

yes, hi. i was wondering where i can find pants. i have no pants.

you can find pants at the store.

she rang a bell.

next!

no no. please i have a few more questions. i heard that on new year’s day we can be re-judged.

dont believe your dreams. you didnt follow or believe them on Earth, Hell shouldnt be any different.

yes, but i shouldnt be here. i wasnt all that bad. plus i loved the Lord.

do you want to fill out a complaint?

may i?

no.

she rang a bell again.

next!

just a few more questions, please. im new here.

you didnt take the orientation yet?

no. what orientation?

you need to go to the Welcome Center and tell them youre new.

will they give me pants?

no. you get pants at the store. they will also have shirts for you there too.

when will i get pants?

pardon me?

i am trying to be nice here and i am getting no satisfaction.

what sort of satisfaction were you looking for?

i dont know. doesnt the squeaky wheel get the grease?

she pulled a chain and a bucket of hot grease dumped on me.

it was hot.

and greasy.

she rang a bell.

next

nate silver was on Reddit’s ask me anything yesterday.

Hall of Fame Baseball

because baseball is the national pasttime, and because stats fit in so nicely with baseball, he answered several questions about the game, roids, and the Hall of Fame.

Q. Would you vote for Barry Bonds or Roger Clemens to get into the Hall of Fame? — Dovercourt

A. Yes, I think, in large part because the split-the-baby solutions to steroids use are hard to apply in practice. I might use steroids use as a tiebreaker for otherwise very close cases (and I think McGwire, Sosa and Palmeiro all fall into that category). But I don’t think people should pretend that we can put each player’s stats through some kind of algorithm and come up with “steroid-neutral” statistics. We just don’t know all that much about who did and didn’t use steroids, and when.

this may be the first year where no one is allowed in.

including, weirdly, mike piazza who, far as i can tell, never was a steroids guy, but i guess he’s “suspicious”