things i want obama to do in the next four years

hulk obama

legalize lulz

federalize all u can eat buffets

jail joe buck

bring back Firefly

tax the asswipes

cut 10% from the defense budget

put 10% more into education

stop corn subsidies

legalize skateboarding

put videos back on MTV

make it so that if you dont make 25% of your crap in the USA you cant call yourself an american company

give love to Cuba through song

outlaw Coldplay

ask mexico if we can have baja california

go on fox news once a month

bring back Seinfeld

on Sundays tell everyone about your favorite bible passages

put Dr. Demento on the three dollar bill

Maybe little by little I’m fumigating

tommy lee jones

Nick Tosches being interviewed in Esquire this month…

Scott Raab: The theme apparent in all your books is, to me, a fearless quest for what’s at the heart of human knowledge.

Nick Tosches: We’re finite creatures, doomed to never get a fraction of what wisdom it would take to deal with infinity. This book has a lot to do with the unbelievable power and beauty of that almost unattainable freedom. Since none of us really gets to know it, we don’t know what extremely powerful dangers might lurk in it.

SR: One of the things that I’ve seen more often in your writing recently is an idea best expressed in Ezra Pound’s line “Do not move, Let the wind speak.”

NT: Those words of Pound, the “120th Canto,” say it all. You’re never gonna outwrite the movement of the white clouds and the blue sky. You’re never going to. There are times when I try to write beautifully, but I don’t know if I’m trying to exorcise my own demons. If I am, there are other ones lurking beneath, because they keep coming out. Maybe little by little I’m fumigating.

SR: I think exorcising them is out of the question. Who are you without your demons?

NT: That’s probably true, but it’s not a truth that we wanna just accept flatly. Look at it like this: This is the most fucked-up species that ever pissed on this planet. What do we have? We have three “one true” gods. Count ’em. Three. And underlying everything is this question: Did man invent good and evil before he invented the gods to protect him from evil, or did he invent the gods first in order to say, “Look, I don’t want anybody fucking my wife, so you’re gonna go to hell if you do that”? All these acts of cowardice, all these gods. We’re just completely fucked up. This is a race of demons.

today’s lindsay from minnesotas birthday, shes 24

lindsay with the french fry bag

there used to be a time when everyone had a blog and many of them were excellent

not sure exactly what happened with google that they couldnt figure out

how to harness all the collective energy and art and beauty all us hundred monkeys were producing

and spiral that into something even better

but we all made due.

lindsay was a huge fan of tsar about seven years ago when she was 20 and heard they may play in palm springs

at heathers wedding where i was djing and she said hi you dont know me

lindsaybut heres my landline, leave a message with my answering machine maybe.

and before we knew it she was in a bikini in the hot tub

and the photo of us was on hot chicks with douchebags

guess which one i was.

a few years later i drove around the country and met up with her in minneapolis

and we drank at first ave and rode horses around the lake.

a few years after that we saw springsteen in chicago do born to run all the way through

in one of the last epic concerts he’d perform with The Big Man.

but since steve case or mark zuckenberg or ron paul has deemed it so:

people like lindsay dont blog any more so we have no idea if:

she has married the billionaire, married the black ex con, entered a life of crime

or moved to paris like she said she always wanted.

this is why blogging should be mandatory for the middle class tax cuts.

also whats up with fernando.

i feel like a fat lady is sitting on my face

senator curt floyd

and she forgot to remove the contents from her pockets.

i feel like someone has sucked the sense right outta my skull

and left me with the outline of what a decent human being should be

but no fully fledged plans for how to make it come true.

if i was a color, id be goo.

maybe it was a mistake to read Exodus under these conditions.

God hardens Pharoah’s heart over and over. what happened to free will?

when in the bible is there a rainbow saying i’ll never harden your heart.

all my heart does is harden.

i could blame so many things for that, but God? never.

and what of personal responsibility?

in the whole nation, los angeles is the prettiest today and yet i sit in my foul stench

heating and reheating one can of soup after another, unpeeling one banana after another

flipping from fox new to espn to honey boo boo to you

and my mind just keeps on playing tricks on me.

if ever there was a day to read a book on my porch

today will be the one when i’ll learn to master Madden 13