Dear Tony, what sort of Pope would you be?

popei’d be a terrible Pope.

for one I think the Pope is sorta unbiblical.

Jesus said stuff like “I am the way and the truth and the life. No one comes to the Father except through me.”

so how could i accept that badass palace (city, actually), sweetass clothes, riches, etc., if my job is supposed to be the middleman between God and humans


while i am supposed to be Jesus’s biggest cheerleader?

so if i was Pope i’d have to be the first pope to say “im not as powerful as we’ve been pretending that i’m supposed to be”.

the second thing is i think condoms are one of man’s finest inventions.

sadly the Catholic church is super into telling people what to do with their private parts.

so id have to be the first pope to say “nothing in the bible says you cant have abortions or Trojans”

imagine the irony of me saying that right outside Rome.

and finally i think priests who molest little kids should be jailed for a very long time

and i also think that priests should be allowed to be married and have sex.

you know, like the original priests, the Sons of Levi, who never did any molestationing

probs cuz they were hitched to their wives.

so basically if i were to really keep it biblical, aka, kept it real

id have to be the anti-pope

which means id get killed in my sleep.

which is fine with me because im pretty sure thats exactly how the Good Lord would want the pope to live.

so id be the best and worst pope of all times.

thanks for asking.