today is jeanine’s birthday, she’s 24


jeanine and i met famously in the newsroom of the uc santa barbara college paper, the daily nexus.

neither of us knew it was an xbi plot.

the original dates were disasters, but at night the agency would tweak our brain dynamics through radio waves

and secretly poison our delicious fruit punch soda.

and soon, not only were we in love, but we were shacking up

and using landlines.


id bring her on my jobs and say just stay in the car, but when i least expected it, there she was on the roof with me

saying quick before you do that, smile pretty for the birdie

me and jeanine

sadly, turnabout wasnt always fair play.


the xbi was happy with things so they sent us to the secret training facility on the moon

where we experimented with invisible space suits


on the weekends i enjoyed playing NHLPA hockey with the neighbors

and jeanine liked to stand in the way of the screen

attempting to use ESP on me so i’d sing bluegrass songs with her on the banjo.

jeanine aj and me

jeanine is so sweet she won over every man woman and lizard in isla vista.

my mom still has pictures of her up in her house.


but not this one because here she’s on acid.

ken jeanine and bonnie

jeanine has hand made the wedding rings of all of our married friends.

its a cute little way for the xbi to keep an eye on the santa barbara mafia

but it’s also a way for all of us to remember how special todays birthday girl is to us.

happy birthday sweet sweet hollywood guitar goddess


thanks for coming back to LA for us.