xbi said we need you to go to american apparel hq


i was all, no can do im on vacation.

they said how can you be on vacation if you’re not working for them and not working for us?

i said, i believe you just defined vacation to the t.

they were all, then this is perfect because you dont have to do anything. just take her out to dinner, maybe a drink afterwards.

let me tell you something about “dont have to do anything”, i told the xbi. im on a personal investigation as to the limits and mystical side effects and benefits of doing Nothing, and arranging a time with a stranger, and a place, and things to do or not do, all go against the basic principles of Nothing. once again you seem to have issues with the definitions of words.

then they said something about no strings attached which made me hang up the phone because with them theres always strings attached in some way.


because Nothingness leads to Everythingness her name was Ana she was from Montreal and we ate poutine in Westwood that night. she was the first to spot the canadian and quebecois flags.


because i’m a dorky ugly american i had a Canadian, and because she’s classy she had white wine


the poutine, it was amazing. we had shaved duck, creamy beef, and traditional. the curds were imported from Wisconsin because for some reason Californian dairies don’t produce cheese curds. Say what?


the owner of the place, Soleil, is from Montreal and made half of his bistro dedicated to poutine. we of course mistakenly sat on the fancy wrong side and when we didn’t see one mention of poutine on the menu he politely walked us over to the correct side and we were amazed by the poutine menu and the fact that you could order a threesome of poutines ($19) of any flavor they had. my fave was the shaved duck.


afterwards we drove down sunset blvd and she said lets complete the french theme and have a drink at the chateau marmount. i said id never been there. she said but youve lived here longer than ive been alive. i said i know! she said why? i said i dont know, maybe cuz parking is so bad.


so we drank Chimay (moi) wine (la) and now i have two new favorite haunts.