today is etienne’s birthday, shes 29

etienne at the hard rock pool in las vegas experiencing rehab

born to a soft spoken chilean action hero and a chic acadian revolutionary,

etienne and i started talking with each other the last time i was between jobs a couple of years ago.

someone is so good at chatting that pretty quickly she made a few calls and hopped on a private jet

from montreal to LAX to meet the world famous busblogger and see what LA had to offer.

strangely she’d lived around the world but had never stepped foot in sunny california

(probably because her dad was the head of the xbi and never wanted his little angel involved with any agents

especially a rogue agent who had turned his back on the agency many moons ago)

but as the infamous fortune cookie once said “what you resist, persists”

and there she was having the time of her life with the man of her dreams

at the hard rock pool during the cheesy rehab.

etienne posing in baker behind the xbi machine

and later in beautiful baker, home of the largest broken thermometer in the world.

etienne at her favorite coffee shop in toronto

clearly lust-struck and wooed by your hero, etienne made a few calls

and the pair were soon on a jet to canada where she tried to get him to like coffee: as if.

etienne marries tony pierce in niagra falls in canada

they went on a mysterious road trip where legend has it the pair were wed in beautiful niagra falls

kfc poutine

one thing’s for sure, she taught him to love poutine and canadian health care

undercover etienne

one thing led to another and she came back to LA not soon after i returned but was swooped by the chilean xbi

and for the last couple of years she has been holed up in misery in santiago

forced to eat french fries minus the cheese curds and gravy

fries anyone

but somehow she’s making due.

currently today’s birthday girl is writing a major motion picture, a tv series, and cute little drunken texts


she swears she misses LA and wants to return as soon as she can


even though she also says she left her heart in san fran, and isla vista and some place shes now modeling for


i need to visit you asap, antoine, she told me in french, only problem is i have no money.

i said i’ll wire you a few bucks at the nix cheque cashing on sept 11th street


the next day she was all omg ok now my problem is i dont have a clean passport

i said theres a cafe on the ground floor of your building, the handsome guy will have a “package” for you tomorrow


she said why did you send me three? i said a canadian one, a chilean one, and an american one, duh.

but tonight she’s drinking with her amigos, as she should. and according to my spy cam…


shes having a gay old time.

happy birthday boss’s daughter!

see you in 2014!


ive had headaches every day for the last few days, probs from watching the web so much

brazilian mob vs asswipe

but the xbi taught us that if you rub a little tussin on it all will be well.

and also, if it hurts when you do that: keep doing it till either you die or it goes away

sorta worked with carpal tunnel, i just kept blogging right through the pain for a good year or two.

call me stubborn, or too lazy to change, but whatevs, i love the web, mostly for reasons like this

i was reading a message board and saw the picture above, and i was all, wow whats going on?

so i reverse image searched it and learned that last year at some feminist rally in brazil,

this dude whipped out his junk and surprise surprise the ladies didnt appreciate that at all

which seemed to excite him that much more – which only enraged the crowd, which quickly turned into a mob

and then thats when this youtuber got his camera rolling:

no it’s not a happy ending

but it is a testament to youtube: watch enough of it and you will literally see the world

usually being ridiculous.