1. Friday, April 12, 2013

    why carlos quentin is not allowed to break zack greinke’s collarbone 

    zack greinke

    zack greinke is a soft spoken 29 year old libra who spent most of his professional career in kansas city

    where he belongs.

    he’s so milquetoast that it wouldnt surprise me if while ordering chicken at kansas city’s famous Gates BBQ

    zack would ask that the sauce be mild.

    he has quietly earned not just a $147 million contract from the Dodgers,

    but they aren’t expecting him to even be their ace.

    aces have a wee bit of pizazz, leadership ability… swag.

    now you may say, oh but zack is married to emily kuchar, a former beauty queen and dallas cowboy cheerleader

    Emily Kuchar dallas cowboy cheerleader 2004

    but you know what, mild mannered millionaire baseball players are exactly who beauty queens marry

    he didnt build that.

    and for all we know, maybe theyre omg in love.

    incapable of love, in the red corner is carlos quentin, a former all-star who once was a reliable clean up man

    but of late has been hobbled with injuries, however he has one thing he can brag about:

    he has been hit by more pitches over the last few years than anyone in baseball.

    when that is what you “do”, you dont get to rush the mound when you barely back away from an inside slider

    on a full count late in the game in a one-run battle.

    for all we know quentin hates greinke for being clean cut and sweet and being on a handpicked team

    bound for bright lights, magazine covers, and probable championships.

    for all we know quentin is jealous that this team in comparison never gets talked about

    and is expected to be the cellar dwellers of the national league west.

    and perhaps quentin doesnt appreciate the fact that greinke will make more money this month than he will make all year.

    which is a big reason he isn’t allowed to run at him and hurt him in april in san diego:

    no one is going out of their way to pay money to see carlos quentin.

    in life all of us have a role to play.

    sometimes situations arise when we can break out of those roles and stretch.

    last night was neither the time nor the place to be the padres’ Enforcer,

    mostly because there was nothing to enforce: it was an inside pitch that bro barely backed away from.

    matt kemp was right to go cray, he was justified to cause a scene after the game that the cops had to be involved in

    and baseball would be right to suspend quentin for a substantial period of time

    or worse, allow him to play next week in Dodger Stadium

    where justice will most likely be served.

    and if that happens, expect to see me there for batting practice.