nothing in here is true

  1. Monday, May 27, 2013

    Amanda Bynes, the meltdown continues 

    amanda bynes in court

    From her Twitter today:

    For once and for all, this is the last thing I’ll say about the mistaken arrest. I’m suing NYPD for illegally entering my apartment, lying about drugs on me and lying about me tampering with non existent drug paraphernalia, then I’m suing for being put into a mental hospital against my will, then locked up overnight for coming home after a facial and working out with my trainer like the good girl that I am. I’m allergic to alcohol and drugs and don’t partake in any of the above. I’m so offended by all of this but so proud to not be a drug or alcohol user. I don’t need to talk about this anymore. My lawyer and I are taking this offense so seriously! Everything they did was against the law and The judge saw that there was no drugs on me or proof of any type of bong or mental illness (I was so offended to even be taken to a mental hospital and they would not let me call my lawyer until the next day after being in jail all night, then I went to court and was immediately released because the judge saw that I was wrongly arrested. The cops found no proof of any type of drug use or evidence of drug paraphernalia such as a bong in or around my apartment) I’m also suing my apartment complex for lying about me smoking in my building. I’m free forever! You can’t lock up an innocent person! Thanks for caring! Look forward to seeing me in music videos! I’m getting in shape and getting a nose job! I’m looking forward to a long and wonderful career as a singer/rapper!

    Nose job?

  2. Matt Garza: If Cueto has any problem, he can throw at me, and I’ll definitely return the favor. 

    kimberly and david dejesusCubs outfielder David DeJesus has a smoking hot wife, there’s no question about that.

    But yesterday after Reds pitcher Johnny Cueto nearly beaned him in the head with an errant fastball, Cubs pitcher Matt Garza was the one who got hot and called out Cueto to reporters and said he hopes the message gets across to him.

    Cueto should learn, you don’t go after guy’s heads. Don’t wake a sleeping dog. I think that’s kind of immature on his part and totally uncalled for. He’s lucky that retaliation isn’t in our vocabulary here. You play each game like it’s a new one. That’s kind of BS on his part — just total immaturity. If he has something to say about it, he knows where to find my locker, and definitely I’ll find his.

    I took total disrespect out of that one. DeJesus has never done anything wrong. He just plays the game the right way. So, if Cueto has any problem, he can throw at me, and I’ll definitely return the favor.

    I didn’t like that one bit.  Like I said, we don’t retaliate. We take it game by game. We try to better himself. Hopefully, he learns to grow the hell up. That’s totally uncalled for.

    You’re up four-nothing, grow up. So, I hope he hears this, cuz I really don’t care. If we want to retaliate, we could’ve and lost a bullpen guy but we don’t need that. We play the game the right way. We’ll take our lumps when we take them and hand them out when we hand them out. I think we responded well to the warning and just played the game well.

    Later Garza added, “You don’t go intently and try to injure somebody. Hopefully, the league looks at that. I don’t want him to get suspended or anything. I just want him to learn a lesson. Hopefully, his players will warn him. It is what it is — they run their own show. We’ll see him again down the line.”

    Continue reading “Matt Garza: If Cueto has any problem, he can throw at me, and I’ll definitely return the favor.”

  3. Sunday, May 26, 2013

    went to church today for the first time in about 20 years 


    i find that i judge every time im in church.

    i think about how much better the band could be if they felt the music instead of read it off the charts.

    i think about how the preacher should Bring It Home after he explains what the gospels mean.

    i think about how few people wanna get close to the Word and how it’s not their fault.

    this wasn’t a Catholic church so we didn’t receive communion. there was no holy water.

    and we didn’t kneel when we prayed.

    afterwards i went to brunch with a pretty girl and said all the wrong things.

    as usual.

    top of the list: i think i need to have my own church.

    pretty sure no babe wants to hear that over eggs benedict.

    958243_10151611517473057_1127765910_oeven if it’s true.

    today we talked about Mark 3: the house divided.

    i flipped right to it in the good book.

    bro explained it perfectly but didn’t explain what it means to 21st century west LA.

    didn’t talk about divorce, office politics, or listening to the evil part of your brain that says you suck.

    a house divided cannot stand.

    a bird who doesnt believe he cannot fly

    cannot fly.

    and xbi agent who doesnt trust the process gets shot.

    if i was the preacher i woulda said does anyone in the house have an example?

    how about a band who doesn’t Know and Love the music

    cannot swing.

    the spirit is in us, saints, let it fucking out.

  4. Saturday, May 25, 2013

    its amazing to me how many people in LA stay in their safe little neighborhoods 

    beautiful house

    and rarely take advantage of the never-ending breadth of diversity and discovery

    that this amazing metropolis has to offer

    not a through street

    sure they may convince themselves that they get out but seriously

    do we have to make an LA bingo game to show you how few squares you can scratch off

    beyond the 5 mile radius of your boring little comfort zone?

    metro building

    got invited to drink in Highland Park with ben and ken and brendan and shelley

    so i got on the metro and omg got out of the hollywood bubble. care to join me? great!

    Continue reading “its amazing to me how many people in LA stay in their safe little neighborhoods”

  5. Friday, May 24, 2013

    today is bob dylan’s birthday, he’s 72 

    bob dylan with mick and keith

    last night while playing pool i was trying to explain to a very nice man who pete rose was

    i said, the hardest thing to do in sport is to hit a round ball with a round bat

    being hurled at you a mere 60 feet away and safely get on first base.

    of all the people in the world who played pro sports, pete rose had more hits than anyone.

    if i knew last night that today was bob dylan’s birthday i would have added

    and bob dylan is pete rose, michael jordan, walter payton, pele, and wayne gretzky


    in a funny hat

    and a raspy voice

    strumming a guitar, while playing the harmonica

    reciting some of the most fluid and beautiful poetry

    to some of the most timeless music we’ve ever heard since recordings began.

    here’s 72 shining examples of that

  6. was gonna see Hangover 3 but i’m being told its the worst movie ever made 

    hangover 3which Jeff Whalen says usually means it is the best movie to see

    right now it’s getting a dismal 21% on Rotten Tomatoes. So lets see what the few people who liked it are saying:

    “Hangover III” is likable enough, even as it collapses in a heap. – Wall St. Journal

    The surprise is that this trilogy concludes with a movie in which action often speaks louder than comedy. It isn’t as consistently, convulsively funny as The Hangover, or apparently intended to be. – Tampa Bay Times

    The pleasant surprise of “The Hangover Part III” is a belated bout of adulthood has only made the extended-adolescent characters funnier. The result is a more traditional but more hysterical crowd-pleaser. – NY Daily News

    The film delivers scant few laugh-out-loud moments, but it’s never boring. – Kansas City Star

    And here are some of the bad ones:

    This is an ugly, angry picture. – Seattle Times

    I had to wait until halfway through the closing credits for my first, and only, laugh. – Chicago Sun-Times

    An excessively violent action comedy that handily manages the tough task of feeling at once tired and aggressively heartless. – NPR

    I’m not sure who let the dogs out this time, but they should be made to pay. – LA Times

    The good news is that “The Hangover Part III” isn’t a rerun like the second episode. The bad news is everything else. – NY Post

    Achingly unfunny. – Kurt Loder, Reason

    So I guess I need to run off and see it!

  7. my mom is starting to really get into Matt Good 

    she just texted me:

    Criminal Minds the other night had the FBI riding in black helicopters.
    Why didn’t they use Matt Good’s song for that scene?
    Maybe because he’s not American?

    technically he, and all of our friends in Canada (and Mexico) are North Americans

    but for some reason i think it’s probs cuz Criminal Minds wasn’t aware of the killer tune

    from the 2007 classic MG album

  8. Thursday, May 23, 2013