nothing in here is true

  1. Friday, July 26, 2013

    this is an ad i never thought id see in my lifetime 

    apparently this weekend NASCAR is gonna have a a few big races and hundreds of thousands of the attendees may see this inexpensive but funny ad for weed.

    i question a few things in the claims it makes. specifically the fat dude’s belly and the skinny woman’s.

    from what i’ve read in the newspapers is weed gives you the munchies.

    in fact some people i’ve talked to here in LA were prescribed medical marijuana cards so the mysterious plant could help stimulate their appetite.

    cigarrettes are good for you says chesterfieldin fact some people i’ve talked to here in LA were prescribed medical marijuana cards so the mysterious plant could help stimulate their appetite.

    while its true that the herb doesnt have nearly as many calories, per se, as compared to booze, its effects have a, uh, high probability of inducing caloric intake.

    that is both a benefit and a feature for some. but something that should be warned about for others.

    if the people behind this advertisement want to be taken seriously, they should avoid the embarrassing path that Big Tobacco took when they said ridiculous things like cigarettes were good for you.

    mary jane will make you thin is just as insane.

    here’s another thing i would do if i was the weed lobby wanting to be taken seriously: i would make the next commercial in a serious manner. i would put the Church in it.

    flip open your bibles to page 2.

    Genesis:1 29-31 And God said, “Behold, I have given you every plant yielding seed that is on the face of all the earth, and every tree with seed in its fruit. You shall have them for food. 30 And to every beast of the earth and to every bird of the heavens and to everything that creeps on the earth, everything that has the breath of life, I have given every green plant for food.” And it was so. 31 And God saw everything that he had made, and behold, it was very good. And there was evening and there was morning, the sixth day.

    It was so good he took the next day off. And he said that was good too.

    If I was the weed lobby I would ask the Catholic Church and all the other bible reading churches where does God say in the bible that he has an exception to the all the green plants are here for you goodness?

    I would ask them, where in the bible does God say that plant I made that makes you laugh and eat tacos was a mistake. Takebacks!

    if part of this relatively recent (historically) stigma onto cannabis is due to some moral mumbojumbo why not just talk to the moral majority itself?

    hard for me to believe that the branch of government so uniquely tied to wine would be so morally against weed when in page two of their most holy text their Creator gave it the seal of approval after He made it.

    in fact show me one story in that bible where the evil weed is evil. i can show you a few where wine was.

    what i would hope to hear from the Church is something along the lines of Ephesians 5:18 “And do not get drunk with wine, for that is debauchery, but be filled with the Spirit”.

    which to me says, don’t go loco with what can block the spiritual high, which is attainable, you crazy kids…

    that is, if you’re ready for that trip.

  2. today is mick jagger’s birthday, he’s 24 

    greatest frontman in all of rock

    better than robert plant

    better than roger daltrey

    better than freddie mercury (barely)

    even better than ozzy

    even though ozzy could do one thing that mick never could: successfully go solo.

    which is fine, if you ask me, because not enough people realize that the whole is bettern the sum of its parts

    and if theres one thing the stones have taught us it’s mick, keef and charlie

    is way better than mick, keef, or charlie.

    happy birthday monkey man.

  3. today is the 16th anniversary of when matt and emmaunelle got hitched in france 

    matt and emmanuelle

    how often do you go to france? especially the center of france? a place that has white chocolate cows with creamy nougat in the middle?

    how often do your friends get married in a castle? dressed like buddy holly wearing a yellow chuck berry jacket?

    to a classy chic french woman like none youve ever met before?

    how often do all your other friends come with you even though none of you has any money to travel to no france

    in the middle of summer, and then take la gare to a town that no one seems to have heard of.

    (fortunately we had a hand drawn map)

    but the thing you realize is money and time are merely dumb excuses not to do things most of the time

    and they disappear into the air when the idea of a week long european party with your amigos is presented to you.

    a trip you’ll never forget ever, a wedding so beautiful that every single part of it was beautiful.

    including this little story about the bride’s family.

    for gazillions of years emmanuelle’s family ran the little cow town of Joncy

    an adorable village that Parisians would escape to when they wanted to “holiday” (aka drink).

    one day the family was voted out of office and they were so sad.

    soon the nazis showed up, for it was the 1940s and thats what nazis did to lots of french towns back then.

    and the nazis said take us to your leader. and the people pointed to the new leader who had recently won the election.

    and the nazis took the new leaders to a nearby barn and set the barn on fire.

    eventually the nazis were defeated and emannuelle’s family was restored to their role of leadership.

    where they sit to this very day.

    the lesson here is, to me, dont freak out when things dont go your way.

    they might be totally going your way in the big picture.

    previous coverage:

    their 15th anniversary

    their ninth anniversary

    their fifth anniversary

     photo credit: the great Jim Lowney

  4. first time i ever got drunk was in winona, minnesota 

    princess diana and john travolta

    let the record state that i was not of legal drinking age.

    but winona is a college town and far as i remember the bar didnt even ask for an ID

    probably because it knew that no one had a valid ID so why even bother with the dance.

    one of many reasons why i will always love the midwest.

    i believe i was 19. i barely drank in high school, my friends barely did anything.

    sure i got served a few times at wrigley at 16 or 17 but you cant get drunk off one old style.

    this bar gave you four poker chips for a dollar. each chip got you an 8 ounce beer.

    when i had finished my fourth beer i noticed my buddy todd talking to a girl

    who i swore looked exactly like princess diana.

    when todd went to the head to take a leak i said you look so much like lady di im dying

    she giggled and blushed and i went on to babbling with the stack of napkins

    or my other friends, or the juke box, who knows. i was wasted.

    we all got back to todd’s apartment and he took her into his room and someone poured wine.

    but i excused myself to the bathroom and i laughed as i puked because i was so drunk.

    the puke went everywhere cuz i couldnt stop laughing and all of it was very funny to me.

    after i cleaned up everything i got out of the bathroom and passed out shirtless on the couch

    and didnt wake until the morning

    when i heard todd open his door and kiss his girl good day.

    let the record state she didnt look anything like princess diana

    not one lick.


  5. Thursday, July 25, 2013

    why i hate hipsters, whoever they are 

    angus youngthey have no respect for the electric guitar.

    in the 50s chuck berry played it like he was ringing a bell

    in the 60s jimi hendrix and jimmy page played it like it was an alien creature

    in the 70s angus young and his brother malcolm took power cords to a whole new level

    in the 80s van halen guns n roses and metallica took hair- and speed metal and shoved it right into Top 40s face

    in the 90s kurt cobain j mascis and thurston moore turned it into brutally powerful art pop

    and then the hipsters were born and nothing


    five decades of real rock & roll handed to them via Napster, BitTorrent and now Spotify and Rdio taught them nothing

    classic rock radio, guitar hero, and Behind The Music

    and they bow to whatever dipshit DJ builds the most sparkly golden calf.

    and give Coldplay three nights at the Hollywood Bowl

    and omg die when Daft Punk slows it all down like they wish Mumford & Sons would.

    they disgust me.

    none of that is music.

    Yeah Yeah Yeahs, fine. Quiet Company, fine. Arcade Fire, fine.

    Black Keys: meh

    other than them – none of them can hold a candle to AC/DC or even Foreigner.

    Billy Freakin Squier laughs at bearded wonders who call themselves lead guitarists today

    but me, i just cry inside.

    and wish the Nuge would just shut up and play

    Ted Nugent

  6. Wednesday, July 24, 2013
  7. anything is possible… so be careful 

    fat dude hot chick at the poolbecause the Lord is amazing and created a world so large that pretty much anything can happen, the bad news is

    anything can happen.

    good things, bad things, horrible things, magical things.

    one of the least talked about of the ten commandments is the tenth one: do not covet yr neighbor’s ish.

    Thou shalt not covet thy neighbour’s house, thou shalt not covet thy neighbour’s wife, nor his manservant, nor his maidservant, nor his ox, nor his ass, nor any thing that is thy neighbour’s.

    it’s hard at times because you might see your buddy’s new car or his huge backyard or his hot wife (or mistress)… or his life

    and you might say to yourself: oh hell yeah! want!

    but how many times have you wanted something and like neil young realized it was a piece of crap?

    if youre anything like me the answer is lots of times.

    and while it’s true that one mans trash is another mans treasure– seriously how often does that happen.

    usually what happens is one mans treasure is another man’s (foolish) desire to gank steal and ruin, and thats just unfortunate.

    for example i drive an xbi mobile that people seem to love. they love it more than i do for sure.

    despite the fact that ive had some good times in it, it’s really amazing that anything could have happened there.

    in fact the entire thing is impractical and id be shocked if it’s in my possession by the world series.

    likewise ive dated some amazing women. and ive had buddies say to me mama mia whats it like.

    and usually i say it’s probably exactly what it was when you dated: sometimes it’s miserable and sometimes it’s omg

    but theres a reason the alcohol business will never go out of business.

    Buddah’s second noble truth says that all suffering is rooted in desire.

    and because the first noble truth is that suffering is unavoidable, i think the bible is telling us to choose carefully as to what we desire.

    often it tells us to forget about things of this world. like hot babes, fast cars, and probably anything you could get at best buy.

    when we desire less selfish things and put ourselves in positions to omg help our neighbors instead of wanting to pork their concubines

    far less evil transpires in achieving those hopes and wishes.

    now take on the day.

  8. Tuesday, July 23, 2013

    Lolito, hold me kiss me 

    sometimes i wonder about MTV

    sometimes i wonder if they ever remember that they used to be the most influential television station in the world

    they basically set the playlists for top 40 and alternative radio stations everywhere

    they made bands and broke bands.

    they set the tone for style, language, and culture for young people for decades.

    and instead of figuring out a way to monetize that unbelievable amount of power,

    they decided to take the road most traveled and simply go for the lowest common denominator:

    highest ratings at smallest cost.

    but tell me, how much does it cost to play videos the music industry funded?

    lord knows the VJs werent getting paid, except maybe seacrest, i mean carson daly.

    those sets couldnt have cost very much, and yet they swore that people

    werent dialing up their channel for music programming any more.

    when I was at E! i kept thinking, wow these people are paying all this money on shows like true hollywood stories

    and it seems so simple: show music videos by interesting bands and then talk to them.

    if MTV doesnt want all that free money access and power by being teenagers’ lifeblood

    then you be that person and accept all of the ads from companies who want to reach that demo.

    if i was running MTV right now id sneak this video from the french band Lolito when no one was noticing.

  9. Monday, July 22, 2013
  10. it looks like my spring (and summer) vacation is coming to an end 

    party time excellent

    all due to a long long long time busblog reader

    miracles, how do they work?

    anyways now may be a bit premature to make any of this facebook official

    so lets just keep our fingers crossed that i pass the background check

    and the xbi doesn’t meddle

    and i’ll get into more detail about the great leap forward later in the week

    until then: long live the busblog, the gift that keeps on giving