last night i was at a swanky westside party talking about chuck e cheese

chuck e cheese

i told the hosts that earlier in the day i saw that the kiddie pizza parlor place was opening a new location near mccarthur park

and they were all have you seen the underground chuck e cheese band do that usher song

incredibly as in we must show you this very second

we watched it twice it was so good and so funny especially at a party where a moose head overlooked us from above.

i was like i really hope whoever was able to do that gets hit up one day by a chuck e cheese franchise owner

like the one in this new venue who might find it profitable to open it up on friday nights to non-kids

so they can drink beer, eat bad pizza and watch The Rock-afire Explosion.

after my nap today i did a little research and it looks like theres at least two programmers

who have no problem putting the robots to the paces of contemporary music like

Arcade Fire

Black Eyed Peas


and even Austin’s own Quiet Company(?!?!?):

imagine the possibilities

how to newspaper blog in this new era of news

parks and rec

there are some institutions who still believe that to newspaper blog means to assign reporters to newspaper stories

and then have someone else publish their newspaper stories into a blog once it goes through the copy editors.

they also believe that in order to “feed the blog” they need to hire people other than their actual reporters to “blog” on the “blog”.

unfortunately this is 2013, almost 2014 and that is like hiring someone else to kiss your wife.


if you are lucky enough to have hundreds of reporters, aka writers, on your payroll, one way to STAY ALIVE online

is to OMG have all of those writers OMG write OMG everyday.

i’m not talking 30-inch masterpieces, im suggesting 3-4 paragraph blurbs. about things they know about, but will never newspaper about

things they experienced, like, oh i dont know, when a Laker/Clipper Kardasian caused a three-car accident and they were one of the cars.

i heart you more

or how about the record they heard or the movie they saw or the funny quote the mayor said to them in an elevator…



sure there are some reporters who will resist this or flinch. “i’m working on an actual piece of journalism, boss”, they’ll say.

“im too busy for the !#@$ing blog,” they’ll argue.

and i’ll ask you, are you too busy to find a journalist who in 2013 understands that in order to compete with the web and tv

and radio and Gawker and Reddit and instagram and twitter and Deadspin and the pulitzer prize winning Huffington Post,

you must write every damn day?

are you too busy to either hire ambitious journalists who actually enjoy writing or manage the ones that you already have

and lead them out of the 20th century and into this brave new world where you bravely tell your reporters

that its time for them to write three graphs before noon, every day?

or are you not ready to enter the modern age either?

at some point something is going to give.  and sooner is happening a lot more nowadays than later.

my crazy math says the building with 200 writers blogging at least once every day, is a good bet to beat the tar out of

the website with 5 kids blogging 8 times a day.

especially since the building of hundreds has better writers, actual sources, and an infrastructure of radness


but what the f do i know? i still subscribe to print, so maybe im sending the message that thats all i want.

therefore heres my message: OMG that is not all i want.

because i know that that will only lead to the certain death of my local paper.

who strangely is acting like it’s everybody else’s job than theirs to prevent that tragic fate.

the saving grace is this is ironically something

you can write your way out of.

how much do you love the thing you swear you love

and when will you do what you know it takes to rock

the ugliest american of the day

apparently in the tiny island of Malta the roads are as narrow as the minds of some americans

in this video, shot by some visiting Brits, a Maltese driver refuses to back down to a US driver

who sounds and acts a lot like formers Steelers head coach Bill Cower.

unfortunately he is a US Embassy worker. whoops.

so enraged was this man that he didn’t realize that his enemy’s back window was rolled down for a good two minutes

road rage is a serious thing, america.

here in the mean streets of LA we learn to check ourselves because the gentleman in the other car

just might be having a bad day and will be forced to use his AK.

today the cubs and the dodgers played LA’s only weekday day-game of the year

santo fan in dodger stadium

other than opening day, that is.

national anthem and its 92

why they chose to do it in late august is beyond me, as while the little girl sang the anthem

it was already 92 degrees

in the shade

nice mexican music

wanna know something nice the dodgers do?

i complain a lot, i realize that, but hopefully i also praise

the dodgers have a huge latino audience. and many of their players are from south of the border

today when the dodgers took the field the PA blasted “El Rey” by vicente fernandez.

the crowd of “38,000” cheered happily.

some places say they care about the Latino audience, but i dont see them playing no vicente fernandez

when they wanna get the party started.

stadium club bar

too hot so i went to the stadium club bar


loitered around the $38 all you can eat buffet

fresh foods

everything seemed to fresh and natural for my good

dodger dogs

all i really wanted was a dodger dog, but tomorrows my cheat day, not today

more bar

plus drinking is fattening enough. funny story

when i went to the beer vender lady she said right away Firestone

i said Firestone IPA please.

she said, see, no Cub fan order Coor Light.

and pointed at my Cubs hat.

bree kayla soft serve helmets

while i was hiding in the stadium club bree was ordering a chocolate soft serve in a batting helmet at the taqueria

little did we know when we were standing in the breezy breezeway that little league puig was being benched

right then for being too much of a space cadet

stolen base

we walked past this stand that sells game used dodger crap and i was all

too bad im poor, i might have to steal that base

balls for twenty five

but because i was raised right i kept my jokes about the $25 balls to myself.

hate at first sight: madden 25

madden 25this is a new series of reviews of things that sucked pretty much right off the bat.

the first installment will be: EA Sports Madden 25.

only reason i got this from Amazon for $99 is for the priceless access to all of Directv’s airings of the real NFL games through the upcoming season.

normally to get that youd need a directv dish, about $250, and the ability to be in front of your tv on gameday.

with this new Directv offer you get all the games on your smartphone, tablet, or laptop.

which means if you happen to find yourself in a cabin in lake tahoe during week 13 and your baby says why dont you watch the game im gonna take a super long bath… you can flip on your laptop and watch da bears and da whoevers.

like papa bear hallas intended oh so many eons ago.

maybe directv cant just flat out offer this to the world as a stand-alone product,

maybe they have to bundle it with a game so bad i threw it on eBay after an hour of fiddling with it.

maybe they dont realize that this directv product is actually more valuable than its original product

because its so flexible and convenient and now that things like Roku and Chromecast exist,

a football fan would probably prefer the games on the laptop because then they can beam it to whatever tv is in front of them.

not necessarily the one hooked up to their satellite dish.

these be modern times, yall.

which is why its so disappointing that madden football, one of the most popular and amazing franchises in all of video games, refuses to change with them and keep making the same bad game year after year.

there was a time during the sega genesis era when each year madden would improve and delight and amaze

and even though technology has leapt forward with time and everythings so realistic

and theres so much more depth to the product than ever before,

the gameplay has only floundered. and the options have only gotten more complicated.

its especially disappointing in light of games like nba2k, which have figured out how to have technology enhance game play in sports video games.

basically this is what happens when there is no competition: the product fails.

barack obama, tear down this wall, and allow other video games to liscense the NFL brands and players names and let there be a solid challenger to the old and moldy madden which i wont ever buy again

unless they throw in this amazing directv dealio again.

todd canceled on me to go to the cubs game so i saw it at barneys beanery

cub fan barneys beanery

in westwood because my man dave was all our bro is doing a radio show from there.

so i went. it was fun. good beers (Racer 5), good fish tacos, and a few spicy wings.

near the end of the game a pretty girl sits down at the bar and notices that im a crazy person

and that i happen to be a cubs fan.

turns out shes from indiana and would drive up to wrigley to see the cubs

and now shes out here? why?

because she is getting her masters at ucsb.

something someone told me a long time ago when i was deciding between ucla and ucsb

“ucsb is small enough that any alumni will instantly bond with you, thats not always the case with a big school like ucla”

truer words my friends.

also, always be a cub fan, and if youre a cute girl, always have a Cubs ribbon in your purse

for no good reason, but its excellent proof that you’re just not hitting on the hottest xbi agent at the bar.

my poor momma is distraught about miley

and i was trying to explain to her that the mtv video music awards is great because its shocking

i reminded her that madonna really catapulted her career when she dry humped her wedding dress at the vmas

and then later kissed both britney and xtina while wearing a tuxedo

therefore miley is just an extension of that.

one of the most shocking (at the time) moments though had nothing to do with sex, but with politics

mcawhen in 1998 mca of the beastie boys, three years before 9/11 criticized then-president Clinton that his retaliation to the US embassy bombings was a bad call.

“Those bombings that took place in the Middle East were thought of as retaliation by the terrorists and if we thought of what we did as retaliation certainly we’re gonna find more retaliation from people in the Middle East. From terrorists specifically I should say, because most Middle Eastern people are not terrorists,” Yauch said.

And then he brought it home by warning against Islamophobia: “That’s another thing that America really needs to think about is our racism, racism that comes from the United States towards the Muslim people and towards Arabic people and that’s something that has to stop and the United States has to start respecting people from the Middle East in order to find a solution to the problems that have been building up over many years, so I thank everyone for your patience, and letting me speak my mind.”

the three bad brothers you know so well always knew how to shock in different ways, true.

but when they were miley’s age they were bragging about doing it like this, doing it like that

and doing it with…

which is why i am totally fine with letting 20-year-olds be 20-year-olds,

especially on my MTV

i will miss you summer vacation

on the tippy top of the very long list of excellent things about being funemployed all summer

is the ability to have a nice young lady over to watch the MTV VMAs

which then turned into watching the Simpsons and Bob’s Burgers

which then turned into drinking whiskey and a bible reading even though shes a Buddhist

and at 2am we keep reading because neither of us had nowhere to be in the morning.

that freedom, that priceless ability to actually live and be spontaneous and stay up till the dawns early light

is the biggest thing i will miss

once someone claims me off waivers

and puts me back in the game.

until then, i feel as free as a 20 year old in her bra and panties on national tv

twerking for 3 minutes

and stealing the spotlight from justin timberlake who had 16 minutes of airtime

and no one is talking about it at all

for good reason.