about a month ago this gem of a video, “Ascension Millennium” dropped and somehow i was under a rock

i didnt notice it until today when people were making fun

of Feldman’s personally-approved Vice Magazine feature on his cringeworthy birthday party

at the root of both problems is the fact that corey has too much money

and he desperately wants to be both michael jackson and hugh hefner.

i know i know we all do, but not really.

if we have learned one thing from the Playboy Advisor section it’s: theres only one Hef.

as for being the King of Pop, of all the imitators, only Usher has been able to pull it off

and he only accomplished that feat because he never went Full-MJ.

what i’m saying, i suppose, is even though i want to ridicule the former Lost Boy for being so lost

truth is he made the weirdest trainwreck of a single-shot video for an original song all summer

and i eagerly look forward to its challenger(s).