thank you for your potpourri parades your double plungers of love and wallpaper that says tony in chinese

thanks for dissing the lions for no good reason at the grocery store

thanks for hosting the opening game for da bears’ super bowl season the week i am home

thanks for taking care of the shopping cart guys, who in turn will take care of you and you, and even you

thanks for keeping my name on the grocery store even after i sold it to speculators at a ridiculous profit

and thank you thank you thank you for allowing Super Tony’s to present such a wide variety of sausages.

thank you mom for taking me directly from o’hare to portillo’s after my uneventful flight of babies crying and kardashians on tv

LA swears they know a few things about hot dogs but come on, Chicago airport dogs put other cities’ real dogs to shame.

not to mention the ribs. which is why your prodigal son is happy, oh so happy, to be back home.

but next time alert me when hangover park has a car and motorcycle show, because seriously, what could be better than that?