1. Monday, September 16, 2013

    what if i never get a job again? 

    basementwhat if thats it for me? what if this is the end of the road? what if that sound i am hearing is the fat lady singing? why is she so quiet?

    we know theres an end to everything, but never think that the last time is really it.

    the last time we kiss, the last bite we’ll eat, the last time we’ll say see ya tomorrow.

    my last day at work at all of my last jobs were full-on surprises.

    even though i was allegedly kicking oh-so-much booty.

    they like it that way.

    they tell you see ya on monday but theres this invisible asterisk at the end of the sentence.

    what if theres an invisible asterisk on everything they tell you today?

    what if this is the last busblog post?

    what if this is the last keystroke.

    guess it wasnt.

    thats nice.

    what if shes the last redhead. what if shes the last canadian.

    what if they’re the last twins.

    what if the cubs never make it. ever. all cuz of that goat.

    what if i try selling oranges by The 10 and i get killed by a car who hops the median because the goat in the backseat got spooked and distracted the driver.

    what if i turn the xbi mobile into a Lyft car and some cab sees my giant pink mustache and plants a car bomb under my trunk when im getting bottled water at the CVS.

    what if the only place that will hire me is a weed store, sorry a medical marijuana dispensary, and we get held up by out of work cab drivers wearing nylons over their heads and little pink mustaches under their noses

    and i say Mitt Romney? and he says shhhh.

    and he tries to put me in a binder.

    what if im too fat to fit in a binder because the only food ive been able to eat for 6 months is off the mcdonalds dollar menu?

    what if no supermodel wants to love me any more and im stuck with teen choice award winners for the rest of my life.

    what if the only job i can get is working for Seacrest.

    or Joe Buck

    or the New York Effing Yankees?!

    or worse, what if that Syrian president wants a network of blogs with an integrated social media strategy?

    these are the things that keep me up at night.

    until 6am.

    texting you.

    until the black sky turns blue.