I’m in line at the slowest car wash in Hollywood


But the reason we put up with it is because on Tuesdays and Wednesdays it’s $3. Even an unemployed loser like me can afford that.

For some reason the LA city works dept put signs on my street this morning at 8am saying temporary no parking from 7am-4pm. Tow away. They wanna fix the pipes under the street.

We have this problem in LA where 100 year old water mains are exploding. So thanks for being proactive but THE TIME TO TELL PEOPLE TO MOVE THEIR CARS ISNT THAT MORNING ITS THE DAY BEFORE!

Stuff like this is why I have high blood pressure.


What if I wanted to sleep in today, the morning after my birthday? What if I had parked my car in front of my house and flew to Manhattan for a few days for a job interview?

Would I have returned to a missing (dirty) car?

This is why people move to the woods. This is why people lose their minds. This is why people just go to the movies all afternoon to escape. And eat popcorn and fall asleep in the balcony.

This is why I’m fat.