today was actually truly stressful

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and then I chose to take a risk and be myself

and trust the man who hopefully will be my boss very soon

and a weight was lifted from my mind

and then the rest of the day turned out really nice

I talked on the phone with the truest, did laundry, ate chicken at a little place showing the lakers game

had a nice long conversation with my neighbor who taught me about a Japanese death metal band

my old college roommate came over for drinks

and I got to watch 2 episodes of Bill Maher.

Sadly I learned that I’m allergic to the stray cats I’ve been debating adopting

but maybe that realization gave me a sense of relief too.

things will change dramatically this month, God willing, and today was a good step in that direction

and for that I’m extremely grateful

finally, as I’m about to say my prayers my first one will be for my aunt Mimi who was laid to rest today in Pittsburgh.

Thanks for looking down on me today

dear tony, my boyfriend is so jealous it’s driving me crazy. help!

bloggentle reader,

jealousy is a terrible disease that takes years and years to get over, and even then it might spring up when you least expect it.

and whats worse is, the more confident you are in your walk, the more jealous the person you love can become.

they see all the life and vigor and energy radiating from you and they think to themselves, “theres no way this magical creature could really love me. im so wretched, im so horrible. im so ugly. im so… whatever. surely they are so happy because they’re up to no good on the side because no way could i be giving them the joy they are exuding.”

there are several ways to handle men who are super jeals and untrusting.

1. dare them to be men, not mice. men are just big boys and we need women sometimes to remind us that we are mightier than we know. one way to do that is to dare us to be better. we love to be dared and challenged and pushed and most of us hate to think that we’re not “manly” – whatever that is. find out who your dude’s male hero is and say “do you think he acts this way when his girlfriend goes out on the town?”

2. look them straight in the eye and speak to the darkest part of their pupil. and say “whoever is in there telling the man i love all this bullshit needs to knock it off because i cant live my honest life being doubted. i dont deserve it and he doesnt deserve it.” then kiss him on the cheek and turn on the tv.

3. take a picture of your lips. text it to your man. and in the message write: these are only for you, unless you keep this bs going. then they will never be for you. i am a good girl and you are listening to the doubts in your head instead of the words coming out of these lips. you can only believe one of us. if you choose to believe that nonsense, that is your choice and yours alone. and your choice will break us apart, not anything ive done.

4. be a scientist. tell your dude that he gets to give you 10 pop quizzes over the next 30 days. at any time you are apart he is allowed to text you with these words: i have a horrible psychological problem that has zero to do with you, please take a picture of where you are and who youre with. reply with as many pictures or videos as it takes to prove your location and audience. after youve sent the images, write i love you, you have 9 more left. this is not to be a long term invasion of privacy. just a random sample of your life that you are free to refer back to if he becomes a whiny whinestein again.

5. remind him of The Three Legged Stool of Love –  for any relationship to work it needs three things: honest communication, the desire for the relationship to work, and trust. if any of those things are missing the stool falls apart. and if he refuses to trust you, it’s perfectly ok to beat him over the head with the worthless wood on your way out the door.

good luck! you’ll need it!

the purpose of life isnt to have tons of money

awesome toiletalthough if i did i would totally buy this toilet

and one for all of my friends.

and one for people who were mean to me

the purpose of life, to me, is for two things

first, even though it’s not in the bible, i want to believe that when we die, on our way to Heaven (fingers crossed) we take this awesome space shuttle to Paradise

and on that ride, we get to hang out with recently dead people from all around the universe

where we talk about our lives and how Earth was different from their planets.

i think one of our purposes of this life is to have kickass stories to tell these strangers.

and since we are about to get Judged we better not exaggerate or, God forbid, lie.

my guess is many of the people on other planets don’t have money. so saying oh i had Matchbox 20 money isn’t going to impress your new buddy from Zip, so maybe its better to tell some tales that are universal

and sweet.

like, omg i had this blog and nothing in it was true and from it i got to meet the sweetest people from all around our globe.

stuff like that.

the other purpose of life, i think, is to be able to tell St. Peter why you think you should be able to get into Heaven. especially after he reels off all the crappy crud you did down here. especially as you hear all the party sounds coming from the other side of the pearly gates.

that, to me, is the part i think i have to work on. storytelling im good with, but what am i gonna say to St. Peter, a guy who has seen and heard it all, that is gonna be all, sure step right this way?

lately ive been nice to these stray cats. not because of St. Peter, and not because i like cats all that much, but because maybe some of what we should be doing down here as humans are things that other animals cant do. like be fearless, like be super loving, and super smart.

you know, all the things Congress seems to struggle with. ok gotta go to sleep now and dream of running for not congress.