the story of Jesus’s miracle birth has stiff competition with free toys from Santa Claus.
youd think thatd be enough in the neverending War on Christmas
but no, someones gotta add new characters with new superpowers
with the additional benefit of being adorably cute
and easy to put into compromising and creative situations.
Elf on a Shelf is equal parts cute and creepy,
which i suppose isn’t too far off from the tale of the obese “jolly” guy
breaking and entering into countless homes
and although i am overwhelmingly impressed with the creativity the impish elf inspires
i still find it weird that for a country that swears it’s Christian, i hardly ever hear or see
the real story about how the sweet and humble new middle eastern family had to escape to Africa
because the local King wanted to kill their newborn baby boy.
and how the dad had one job.
find your new wife, the woman who is pregnant with God’s miracle son, somewhere to deliver it.
he had one job.
likewise King Herod’s army had one job: kill the lil baby,
word is he’s on a donkey with his mom and dad heading south
i don’t know much about kids. maybe kids like this stuff.
elfs, santas, reindeers.
and maybe they dont wanna hear about the baby who had a price on his head
but if i had kids and i had the chance to tell them a totally fake elf tale or a possibly true story
about a sweet young virgin mom,
and her husband, a young man who now had a chance to redeem himself from his bethlehem bungle,
who then makes a run for the border with the help of three bad wisemen you know so well
(not bad meaning bad but bad meaning good)
odds are the elf would probably make it into the house anyway,
and if he did, i’d hope my kids would know what to do with him.