1. Monday, December 2, 2013

    totally going to the doctor tomorrow morning 

    poohxbi’s been super sweet lately.

    a little too sweet if you ask me.

    my insurance at the academy doesnt kick in until next month but this morning there was a knock at the door

    it was the guinness book of worlds records with a camera and balloons and a midget throwing confetti

    and a guy on stilts dressed as uncle sam and a mule smoking a cigar.

    apparently i had broken the record for the man with the highest blood pressure in america without totally dying.

    xbi was all, dude

    i was like, hey can i please just enjoy my award FOR ONE DAY!?

    but they were persistent and said that they’d pay.

    “what if your insides are all rotted out and you dont even know” they asked me.

    i have no idea why my pressure is so high. my jobs fantastic. women are throwing themselves at me.

    and my new car is so fuel efficient it has been zipping around town solely on good vibes.

    the biggest stress of my life right now is waiting for my extra large avocados to ripen.

    i havent seen my doctor in forever. his secretary calls me anthony. im all fine as you is you can call me anything you want, but tony is what i prefer.

    i dont think shes ever called me tony.

    she might hate me now that i think of it.

    why would she hate me?

    he had this other nurse, she didnt hate me. but i havent seen her in years.

    anyways, totally seeing the doctor tomorrow.

    but if guinness thinks im returning that mule, they cray.