busblog

nothing in here is true

  1. Thursday, December 18, 2014

    last night live tweeting so many ppl were all oh yeah tony go! 

    fingerand then there was one guy who was all wait

    are you really sad that the drunk driver who stole the car

    and led the cops from hollywood to malibu

    while recklessly driving on sidewalks and the wrong direction of the pch

    did get shot to death at the end?

    i wanted to explain to him how there are a lot of other ways a car chase can end that would properly entertain and satisfy me.

    i wanted to type that blood and guts are not the only outcomes of car chases in fact any experienced car chase watcher knows that most endings dont conclude with blood.

    did i want the cops to shoot him? hell yes.

    but not because im blood thirsty, in fact the opposite.

    i wanted the cops to shoot him because i was afraid he was gonna kill innocent people.

    bro was speeding faster down Melrose than I ever saw any one drive.

    and you realize this is 2014: people have headphones on, theyre looking at their stupid phones, they’re high, they’re drunk, there are so many ways a clueless Los Angeleno can accidentally walk out in the middle of a sleepy Melrose Avenue at 10pm, never thinking that a car could be barreling down the road at 100 MPH

    yes, shoot that guy.

    and if you dont kill him, maybe you will let him know you mean business. remind him that this isnt a video game. and let the next guy know you’re not just gonna get a few traffic tickets.

    ironically, right as this anonymous negative tweeter was calling me names, down in redondo beach over a dozen pedestrians including a baby were hit by a car driven by a drunk driver. four people died.

    im sorry Occupy LA didn’t work out for you. im sorry you’re butthurt that sometimes cops do bad things. im black, you dont have to remind me that cops arent always the superheroes of the world.

    but you know who are villains every single time: drunk drivers speeding around pedestrians.

    if you want to debate me about that, put your name next to your dumbshit tweet and we can have a real debate between two human beings. until then you’re just a dumbshit troll with his head up his ass trying to kill my vibe on twitter.

     previously: live tweeting the car chase of the week

  2. Wednesday, December 17, 2014
  3. Tuesday, December 16, 2014
  4. whiplash is the movie of the year 

    whiplashthere was a time when studios would send over pretty girls to deliver me tapes of their films so i could write about them for the busblog and reach the smartest and most worldly readers in the world.

    when theyd come over and pour drinks and give me massages they would tell me they were from the academy but once i started working here i learned they werent from the academy, they were from the studios: or worse, hired by the studios to seduce me and influence my virgin mind into thinking that thier films were amaze times ten

    so when i got a knock on my door last night as the drizzle came down and it was two young ladies dressed in santa suits with revealing cleavage i was all, wrong number

    they were all, tony? tony pierce?

    i was like, he’s across the street, and pointed at the sighentology church.

    they laughed and said come on we’re huge fans simply here to deliver you this dvd from the academy.

    i said, ah HA ive finally caught you in your bed of lies, i work there now and we dont have any such group of runway models who run around hustling screeners to influencers and powerfully handsome bloggers.

    and then they started crying so i let them in because tears.

    right as i shut the door another knock sounded and i opened it and it was italian food being delivered. the ladies whipped out some cash and started playing with my cats as i hunted in my kitchen for clean dishes and glasses. failed and decided we would just eat it out of the box as we watched the powerful film.

    super great, super intense, great music, fantastic acting, and unreal directing by a guy who at 29 years old had never directed before!

    in the morning the girls asked me what my top five list of films were for this year and i said this is actually super easy:

    1. whiplash

    2. birdman

    3. the grand budapest hotel

    4. the lego movie

    5. boyhood

    and each of them kissed my cheek.

     

  5. Monday, December 15, 2014

    someone should start selling ads to go inside uber cars 

    pbrpeople who ride in ubers are in a car for a good 15-30 minutes.

    they’re technically savvy.

    good chance theyve got some dispensable income

    and, they have a smart phone in their hands

    and nothing to do.

    what if the ad on the back of the seat said something like

    come to this website for a chance to win 2 free uber rides a week.

    and then you sell whatever you wanna sell on that site.

    or what if the ad on the back of the pack of gum you pay drivers to hand out

    has a website, your website, on it and you’re giving away ipads to lucky winners

    or better yet, something even cheaper than those these days,

    60″ led tvs.

    uber passengers are many brands absolute target audience

    and uber cant tell drivers what they can or cannot have in their cars

    because technically the drivers are not employees of uber.

    brands never get direct access to the gatekeepers of their target.

    have a code to enter the sweepstakes, that code of course is the drivers ID

    and give the driver $20 for each person that signs up on your site.

    best believe you’ll get some damn sign ups.

  6. ive seen a lot of bad movies this year 

    inherent vice

    Inherent Vice was one of them

    a waste of good acting by Phoenix and Brolin

    a wtf story that probably should never have been adapted to screen

    muddled dialogue that was intended to mimic stoney thoughts

    all together a mess that i wasted way too much money on.

  7. Sunday, December 14, 2014

    theres so much i havent done in my life 

    terry and juliette

    ive never gotten a tattoo

    ive never put my thumb in a girls mouth and taken a picture

    while someone else was taking a picture of me.

    ive never been to catalina.

    ive never been to greece.

    <s>ive never kissed a girl and then her sister.</s>

    ive never written a screenplay.

    ive never been to yankee stadium.

    ive never been in the white house.

    ive never been to the super bowl or the grammys.

    ive never been to any of the halls of fame.

    ive never kissed a girl on a gondola in florence.

    ive never been to the watts tower.

    ive never been to the world series.

    i have no stories to tell.

  8. Saturday, December 13, 2014

    even though im a devout Christian, my favorite Christmas tradition is hoarding 

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    once a year my favorite clothing line Obey has a sample sale either in Compton or Irvine

    kids get to the warehouse in the wee hours to nab what is often deep discounts

    on some of the most stylish, sought-after, and $$$$ clothes out there.

    because im a cheapskate and super loyal to my favorite brands ive been going

    for years and years and years and years

    because i was driving last night till 3am and didnt get to sleep till 5am, i didnt get out of the house until mid-afternoon,

    which turned out to be perfecto because there were zero lines when i arrived in the OC at 2:30pm

    a lot of the clothes had been picked through but that was ok, there was still plenty of great deals.

    but with no lines and no time limit to shop it was such a dream come true

    that i even came back after eating lunch to pick up three Obey pillows

    that i realized would be perfect on my bed.

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    as blaring music pumped through the cavernous checkout lanes i asked one of the cashiers if they were suprised by the seemingly low turnout

    she said it was busy in the morning, and they all expected today to be the busiest day

    but assumed that because Obey/Giant advertised, for the first time ever, that this year’s sale would happen this weekend AND next weekend, perhaps the mad frenzy was killed.

    fine with me, if the kids of so cal don’t wanna get $100 pants for $25 and $150 sweaters for $20, then more for me.

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    no huge surprises in this year’s layout, however it was nice to see that the women’s section is about double the size of last year

    which was about double from the year prior.

    the accessory table was ok, the hat section was huge, however the tshirts were a bit wanting.

    i got some flannels, some sweatshirts, a few tshirts and the famous pillows

    $118 out the door.

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    every year another thing happens when i go to the Obey sale: i feel so fat.

    they have some of the best shirts that really look horrible if you have even the slightest belly.

    because i look about 5 months pregnant i shied away from the shirts this year

    and instead opted for the more forgiving numbers.

     

  9. Friday, December 12, 2014

    “growing up in the desert, you learn to love love love the rain” 

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    the best people i met this week, so far, were these Saudi students who loved me right back.

    the young lady in the back in the red scarf was telling me all these great stories of living here for the last two years

    so i said baby you really need to start a blog, americans, including myself know NOTHING about what its like to be young and saudi

    living in the USA.

    she said oh they wont like it. all they’ll want to know is why we dress this way and why can’t i drive a car in saudi arabia.

    and i said then start there. say my name is this, i wear these clothes out of respect to my culture

    and even though i can’t drive a car in the most conservative country in the middle east

    i can in the USA, but when i get lucky i ride in an uber with the handsome tony pierce.

    everyone laughed.

    me the loudest.

    i asked them if it was true that they cant drink or smoke weed or have wild orgies back home and they said yes.

    one of them told me that they saw a friend of theirs drunk here at a party in koreatown and they almost called 911

    because they had never seen a drunk person before (!)

    and after seeing that, they never wanted to get drunk themselves.

    i said, fair enough, but lemme tell you something about sex drugs and rock n roll

    true you look silly when youre drunk, but as long as youre around your friends you should be ok. just dont drive.

    also, ive been drunk once or twice in my life but the dumbest ive ever looked was when i was in love.

    and aint no one talking about avoiding that forever.

    point, noted, they all agreed.

    red scarf girl then said, i always wanted to come to the States to see what life was like here

    but now that i’ve been here for a while i see that the grass is always greener

    and now i just realize i just want to be a good little muslim girl.

    as we waited for the light to change by the pier we took a selfie and i said blog, kids, blog!