nothing in here is true

  1. Friday, January 24, 2014

    They gave me morphine 


    And told me I have a 4mm kidney stone.

    I feel warm. But I’m shaking. I’m in the hallway.

    I was feeling great till the Financial Counselor told me I’m out of the network.


  2. Kidney Stones! 


    I’m in the ER in Hollywood. People r dying

    Dudes are cursing at medical staffers

    My kidneys don’t care.

    Dude who smells like pee was coughing.

    If I die please invite the raiderettes to my funeral.

    And acdc.

  3. Thursday, January 23, 2014

    things im doing in the next few days 


    testing out google glass

    getting my blood looked at because my pressure’s perfect but my bod is freaking

    dining with my buddy bob from kindegarten

    giving interview and style tips to the daily nexus alongside mel lalum

    going to my buddy dave’s birthday party instead of seeing hockey at dodger stadium

    getting acupuncture for the first time ever because im an old man and ive done everything else

    writing my congressman to tell him to deport justin bieber for underage drinking


    then laughing about it

  4. today is lindsay’s birthday, she is 24 

    lindsay with the french fry bag

    ive met some very cool people because of this blog

    way more than i ever expected.

    todays birthday girl is one of the coolest.

    i think she still works for your favorite pizza place

    i think she still lives in the midwest

    i think she is still involved with a billionaire.

    i dont think she still reads the world famous busblog.

    i think she still listens to springsteen.

    i wish she still blogged so we could find out about her dog.

    today i think she actually turns 29.

    whatever the facts, i wish her a happy birthday today and i think you do too.

  5. Wednesday, January 22, 2014
  6. Had the worst dream this morning 


    It’s these pills the doc has me on.

    Can he know how much I hate dreams?

    Is the xbi digging around in my head as I sleep.

    Don’t they know there’s nothing in there except fond memories of isla vista

    And punk rock lyrics

    Ain’t no secrets. Ain’t no plans

    Just spider webs atop gold medals

    And broken dreams

  7. Tuesday, January 21, 2014