made some bad mistakes at work today

kyla and tyler in 2008 and now i wanna puke.

i was home sick bc i didnt wanna get anyone else sick today. but the show must go on.

so i sat in my bed with the tv off and just worked and worked and worked.

most of it was fun because, well, it’s fun to be needed and know what youre doing.

but some things i forgot about and one thing was a total collapse of reason.

and murphys law the wrong people saw it and i got a phone call and that only made me feel worse.

do you know how many mistakes i made in a year and a half at LAist? maybe 3.

at the Times, in 3 1/2 years: maybe 4. one of them was trusting someone untrustworthy so maybe 5. but that one counted big.

i dont know why im sick or what kind of sick this is but it’s a weird one. usually my nose is all runny and it eventually effs with my throat and then i’ll get a cough and then i’ll barf it out and then im good. a 3-4 day process. but this one is different.

0drunkgirlthe nose only slightly runs and the cough is like a ghost cough. like a reaction to the idea of being sick more than actually being it. my body aches for no reason but i am sleeping like mad. and then i get these waves of nausea. i should probably just hurl.

i was feeling really low and a pretty girl liked something on my insta so i wrote her and said send me a picture and make my day and bingo she did and it was the best picture ive ever seen of her.

and then out of the blue another girl started chatting with me while i was eating lunch and said she wanted to have my babies. and she looked terrific so i said fine. who cares. who the hell cares any more. im not getting any younger. i should just say yes to who ever is crazy enough to want whatever ive got, which right now is a filthy house and some thai food delivery on the way.

if the kids look anything like my niece and nephew, pictured, then id be stoked.

i need to get better soon though and i need to stop making mistakes because i really dont think imma win the lottery any time soon. it looks so much easier on tv.

you know who else is feeling crappy? your bff Danielle, but in her heart

IMG_5141

from her keeping it real blog the other day:

Cant live by the Russian Metronome.
Too damn Cool Hand Luke.
Too Damn Gary Cooper.
Too Damn John Ford.
Where are my GlenGarry leads?
I had to just say I am done.
And It will be really hard.
But what gives I ask.
They say you cant move expecting to solve your problems
for your problems will travel with you.
I dont know man
I have lived in SOCAL for 15 plus years
and there aint nothin new.
I got to change something.
I cant live like this
or I literally will kill myself.
I do, I do, I want so badly to be dead
and I am SO SORRY to say that UNIverse
but it is true
I am so so sad and lonely
so UNHAPPY with everything

we’ve all been there. none of us thinks a super cool super smart babe with a masters could get there too

but yes. even her. even in san dieger. even with her mind wide open to possibilities.

it’s heartbreaking and sad because what can we tell her? what can we do?

the answer is the same answer for all of us: keep digging your way out.

aim for the light. listen for the sounds. even in darkness theres a glimmer of brightness

go for it. remember The Bride in Kill Bill: keep punching out of the impossible jam.

keep punching, keep fighting. keep doing the one thing you can.

because if you stop.

it stops.