if uber wanted to make a commercial they shoulda filmed tonight

not a pipe

after eating sushi with jeanine in playa i drove down to venice to see if i could find someone looking to go back to hollywood. one of the beauties of having uber and living in hollywood is people love hollywood so you might get paid to drive home.

slid through venice and on main street picked up a tourist guy from barcelona who just had a full day of being at the beach and taking a tour bus through sunset to DTLA and back. then he jumped in the ocean and ate japanese. then ubered me and i drove him to where his air bnb was. we talked about how spanish people really dont like spicy food.

after dropping him off i went back to main and picked up two athletic frat bros and their mom from one of my favorite bars in venice. the boys were going to another bar off pch and they asked me to drop mom off in brentwood. turned out they all went to ucsb, the boys met on the baseball team, ones in the minors now, and the mom went to ucsb in the late 70s when, she told me, rent on sabado was $65 a month. she also told me that beer was not allowed 1 mile around the campus. but they got it in their apartments anyhow. “grass too!” she said. lovely woman.

streamdrove down wilshire to westwood but got a call to double back towards brentwood. saw a guy with 2 pretty girls in black dresses. Thought ok. Then 4 different girls appeared, even prettier somehow and they raced toward me. Approached the car. Said Uber? I says yep. They says Lure on Ivar?

I was all holy cow that’s in Hollywood where I wanna be!

I said you girls aren’t Swedish are you? They said yep. And the perfume was amazing and the accents and mama mia. i said ive been to sweden. they asked where? i said Jönköping. and there was silence. i guess my accent was dead on.

they were all, why were you in Jönköping? i said, because thats where the prettiest girls in the world are.

they laughed and said, no, Stockholm! then they asked me if i could get there in half the time a normal man could get there in.

i said i will get you there faster than anyone else in the world and they requested kiss-fm and as rihanna and pitbull and kei$ha and avincci played commercial free and they sang along i took wilshire to santa monica to fountain to highland and right on ivar and boom a convention of impossibly beautiful young ladies all waiting to go into this club behind amoeba records.

it was 11pm and i was basically home and i had made $50 and my car smelled of young swedish college girls.

so i rolled the dice and left the uber phone on. the risk is you’ll get someone who wants you to take them somewhere far away and you dont get home till way too late. but i got lucky and got a photographer who just wanted to go to the dragonfly, so i dropped him off, turned it off and couldnt believe my good luck.

sometimes the good lord is looking out for you, and sometimes i think he just wants to see what it would take for you to enjoy kiss fm.