1. Wednesday, February 26, 2014

    to celebrate not being sick any more, last night i did laundry then got a massage 

    new banksy

    the woman who took my $40 was older, probably a mom, and in slightly inappropriate yoga pants

    whatever. open mind. lets just get the kinks out.

    she escorted me past several rooms, all the same: rectangle with a raised platform which had a tiny mattress covered with a towel and a small pillow. it was a thai place so they had little asian deals here and there and some candles.

    she apologized for the middle eastern music blasting from next door. some sorta party was going on there.

    but the music was actually pretty good, but so loud that it was probably a way different vibe than the thai massage was used to.

    tumblr_mk6bsw7Z3K1qdztweo1_500we got to my room, i took off my hat and flannel and shoes, and in comes probably the most beautiful thai twentysomething woman ive ever seen in my life. she wore a skin tight white workout deal and told me politely to take off everything except my underwear and lie down.

    i was already thinking about becoming a frequent flyer because humina humina.

    i did as i was instructed and she started with the feet. it was delightful. who knew my feet were so full of stress.

    then she appeared to walk on my legs. sorta painful but i rolled with it. then she pulled my legs and twisted them.

    i heard another voice in the hallway. my girl responded. they were talking for some reason. the middle eastern music was blaring.

    she excused herself and then returned and apologized. she dripped oil on me and worked on the back.

    the right side of my back had these knots in them that cracked any time she rubbed there. the left was perfect.

    she got behind my neck but took extra time on the back.

    more talking. all in thai. fortunately i speak a lil thai and it was possibly this:

    mom, he’s xbi, i know it. i can feel him reading my mind. we cant do it to him. BUT I DONT WANT TO JUST MASSAGE HIM!

    eventually she excused herself again and i turned my head the other way on the towel that acted as a pillow.

    my neck was sore somehow. but my eyes were closed. then i felt hotter oil, but in a nice way.

    the back got worked on harder this time and after a while i was asked to put my hands behind me and pull her arms

    i felt thick arms. what? turned out it was the mom. bait and switch!

    the mom twisted and beat my back. pounded me like a cheap pork chop. and when she was finished recommended i take a pain pill.

    because its going to hurt in the morning.

    and boy was that lady right.