xbi were all, ever heard about the Death Cat of the olde folks home


i said of course, it went to the rooms of the senior citizens and a few days later they were dead.

xbi was all yeah and havent you noticed an awful lot of cats around your house. dont you think that means something?


i said yeah it meant  a very irresponsible cat hoarder didn’t take care of her business when she was evicted.

xbi was all, keep telling that to yourself. and just like that the pain was excruciating.  i walked in the rain to the ER

but called my doc saying which hospital should i go to? the one i know will only cover ER stuff

or this other hospital that actually omg might have a urologist in the house. he said, suck it up agent.

he said go home, load up on drugs, sext, and in the morning the xbi urologist will be back in Cali.

and even though he’s xbi and theyre clearly trying to get me to crack, i like him, hes my doctor. he told me to quit that one job that lead to the good job and the great job after that.

technically im xbi too but not really, so maybe deep down hes not really either.

plus at some point youve GOTTA trust somebody.

if the xbi has taught me anything its: the easiest opponent to crush is one who has no allies.

so even though i puked off vicodins yesterday, i downed one, heated up some chicken my maid left me yesterday, and asked a young lady to show me what im missing.

she said hows this

and that actually did make me feel better for a little while.

unfortunately i struck out with everyone else and realized either i need to get wilder friends or educate the world on this brand of experimental medication

1781501_10152187064958057_1577206348_n and then when i was begging a lovely canadian to just show me what shoes she was wearing and she replied by taking a snap of her chipotle salad


in came a totally unsolicited text from my mom. with this amazing picture of my niece.

and i was all omg ive been barking up the wrong tree.

you need to survive this asteroid field of kidney stones not for selfish personal reasons

but so you could help others, especially those in your family.

i need to teach my niece how to throw elbows in the paint.

my sister is too sweet and my brother in law is too logical

uncle tony needs to bring a lil east hollywood into the lives of the holy family girls bball squad

that is my secret purpose

if, of course, i live through the night.

which looks like a long shot.

and its raining like how that great poet described it many moons ago

the rain, it rains, and it pours on a little pink girls bike
half falling down no kickstand
im damned why wont he say it
in a holding cell not hell but close
someone in the cloud has a rope
but theyre scared id use it the cheater way
and youd see dangling converses
in the morning with milk but i got better plans dear fans

so thank you, most badass niece