every time i uber beautiful women end up in my backseat


for some reason i never expected a beautiful girl from elgin back there.

had just dropped off this really funny gay stylist who was telling me that he dressed an oscar winner at the oscars

he charges $10,000 an event and was saying that he hates the phoniness about LA and misses Vegas.

he complained that the parties here are boring, the people have no style, and there arent even any good restaurants.

Elgin,_Illiniois_logo.svgjust go into the bathrooms. it’s like they ran out of budget. they so small and cheap in there. in vegas even the bathrooms are fabulous.”

raises a good point. he gave me his card and when i have $10k to get dressed, i’ll call him.

after i dropped him off i got beeped by a beautiful blonde outside a barbershop. she immediately started taking selfies.

she apologized and said she had just paid $170 for a hair cut. i was all pardon me but ive gotta see this hair cut.

she explained she had just gotten the bleach, the wash the color the blow dry the did i mention the cut? she said she had gone there before and was expecting to pay a bunch but had never paid that much before.

i asked her what the occasion was. she said she goes to pool parties at the playboy mansion and movie nights there.

and its true, this weekend its supposed to be in the mid to upper 80s, so i could see that. pool and movies.

we actually had a great talk and she explained that her boyfriend rents out mansions and there may be a reality show in the works.

i was all, do i detect a midwest accent? she said yup – chicago suburbs. i was all WHICH ONE? she said elgin i was all we’re neighbors!

little known fact: back in the day Elgin was home of the best watches and clocks in the whole midwest. they even used an Elgin clock at Soldier Field.


next i picked up these norwegians who wanted to go from west hollywood to cha cha cha in silver lake. the guy from LA was cool with taking fountain all the way. he spoke with his buddy all the way there. they wanted to hear KISS-FM. remember the swedish girls who wanted KISS. maybe its a scandinavian thing.

got this nice couple in eagle rock who had just moved there from santa monica. they said they did it mostly for their french bulldog who now has a backyard. “yeah the dog moved us,” they laughed. sweet couple. and they basically wanted to go right by my house which was great cuz i had to pee pee pee.

made some soup. talked to my neighbor. then was back on the road.

next i picked up these really happy (or were they stoned?) bros who lived in this fancy apartment right across the street from the 4100. they wanted to have drinks at the Ace Hotel and were cool about taking sunset to broadway. we talked about the big blue church, sunset junction, the rise and fall and slow rise of downtown and it was nice. i almost gave him my card because he lives so close to me but im starting to think my card is useless cuz im always on the road, who knows where i’ll be next.

i was downtown and i got a beep to go to this beautiful apartment complex. i pulled into the driveway and the security guard comes out to see what the hell im all about. i got out to stretch my legs. we start talking. hes working till midnight and said he had to get up again at 4am to start working again. i said well can you swim at the pool here? he said oh i dont swim but they said i could use the gym so i guess that means i could use the pool.


out walks this leggy young woman who is a finalist in the shortest dress competitions being held all around LA. she wants to go to frat row at USC. figures. thats where the championships are being held. she is going to the fashion institute and is about to graduate but isnt sure what to do next, marketing or real estate or fashion. i told her no offense but if i was one of the hottest young ladies in LA wearing the most alluring perfume ive ever smelled id run, not walk, into real estate.

she laughed and ran into the frat house for some reason and i realized my wisdom was worthless.

got a beep to go back to DTLA, the Kings were just letting out so traffic was terrible. a french guy was waiting for me with 150 friends, they wanted to go to the Standard. we took pics in the car. i ran over a curb cuz it was crazy. i learned a valueable lesson. never take more than 4 people. its just too crazy.

best ride of the night? took this smoking hot asian woman and her bartender boyfriend from the Ace to The Edison. she couldnta been hotter. also short dress. he was telling me that my favorite whisky Red Breast is good but the company gives it away practically to bars to get people off Jameson. he was saying that his gf looked good for 40 (she was probably 28) and other bad jokes. she just smiled cuz he was handsome. he told me he bartends at four bars including a gay bar where he does it topless. i sorta wanted to hang with both of them but i cant stand the edison.