there are three things that suck about getting old

destinys child child

1. your body starts falling apart. your back goes on strike now and then. your kidneys fail. your endurance is questionable. you have to omg care for your innards.

2. you dont know or like todays sounds any more. its not like i ever liked what was popular, but i knew the artists who played it. last night i picked up Zed’s Dead and two of their friends. who’s Zed’s Dead? apparently theyre two DJs from Toronto. the one who sat next to me had long hair and the other one was in the back seat and he seemed like a a nice jewish boy. a thinner jonah hill. all laughs. they had a black assistant type girl and another girl in shiny shorts with them. they were yapping about the event they were about to play in the Arts District. i felt so dumb not knowing who they were. i had to ask them. they told me and i was all, sorry, im an elderly man.

3. you start to feel weird quasi flirting with girls young enough to be your daughter. i made a joke to these black girl about why they werent allowed into a club because “your fake ids didnt work?” they said no, it’s an all-ages club.” wait what?! they offered to buy me drive through which is the way to my heart and if i was 20 years younger i would have said something like, “hmmm i dont know which one i love more, you should probably all give me your numbers”. but ive been told im creepy enough as it is.