my mom doesnt like rihanna, i have no idea why

rihannashe sings beautifully, she dresses creatively, she speaks her mind

and when the photographer says hey riri why dont you take off your pants and arch your back, she does exactly that

have you ever heard a photog say your gurl from Barbados doesn’t give it her all?

now shes gonna play the Rose Bowl with Eminem. 100,000 people. $150 a ticket.

thats like 15 million to split between the camps.

finally Rihanna can pay for some pants.

personally i love her. and i am prepared to marry her.

sadly she is with my arch enemy, Drake.

the canadian is better than Chris Brown, but seriously why does she pick the worst ones.

i know every girl in the world loves Drizzy but clearly thats because of some crazy spell he paid for in the woods somewhere.

it will all wear off soon and shes gonna need a man twice her age who has enough pants for both of us.

it was only a matter of time before a transexual porn star ubered me


can you take me to the drug store and then subway and wait for me while i get all the stuff? also do you have a phone charger, i think i left mine in the dungeon.

what were you doing in the dungeon i asked hoping she’d say she was the lighting or sound person

10169098_10152316717223057_1866407798_ninstead she said, losing my self respect.

we were driving down wilshire. pretty close to where rfk was assassinated.

i said, well hopefully you lost that well before you entered the dungeon.

laughs. drug store didnt work out so we started looking for subway sandwiches. she was asking her Siri, i had Waze it was a very confusing situation because we were both struggling for control but the customer is always right and we did a whole circle and ended up a half block from the drug store. and i waited.

finally she came back and said the line was too long there. but then convinced herself it would be cheaper just to wait, minus me running the meter.

i felt relieved because you only make like twenty cents a minute if youre waiting. its so not worth it. we said too-da-loo and i was off again.

got this guy who used to go to hamilton high. wanted me to take him to literally South Central avenue.

he was surprised that i knew of hamilton high but i didnt let on that i knew it from when i was overseeing a bunch of reporters at kpcc and i fought to keep one of our best writers on hamilton instead of getting distracted by miramonte. and because of that we got the scoop.

hamilton had the teacher of the year… who was also allegedly doing some of the boys. it was a creative magnet school focusing on the performing arts.

my passenger said the teacher was soooo good at piano and was a really good teacher but it didnt surprise him that 22 former students said he was inappropriate with them because “he liked to get really close to you when he explained things”

and he was very touchy feely.

10178461_10152316592103057_1050089393_npassenger said right after the allegations made the LA Times there he was at the Disney Hall for an Alvin Allie dance performance costarring one of his recently graduated students. passenger said he went up to him and said, you have Some nerve being here right now.

omg dramz

dropped him off right next to the police station where hayley and i did the ridealong a year and a half ago and i got back to downtown

there i picked up two younguns who were super british and two swedes.

one of them had this see through plastic skirt and a great tshirt. so much style!

as luck would have it the three left her at one apartment and i was to drive her alone to the other.

so after i asked if she wouldnt mind if i took a picture of her outfit and she said no probs

after i said Hay-dough which means adios in swedish.

then when i least expected it i got beeped by Hathaway.

only one Hathaway in all of LA, and its the one i worked with at E! 12 years ago. maybe 14.

she was there with another ex coworker, Aimee. omg what a small world we live in.

why was i driving tonight?

because it was super warm. like beautifully warm

and also because i had just spent $800 on coachella vip and i want to pay it off before the bill comes.

someone helped me get the ticket and i said oh i have the perfect thank you gift, whats your addy?

and she said are you nuts you paid full hit on that ticket we’re good.

i said, yes but theyre “sold out”. she said but you still paid money.

i said theres only two reasons i have money: to pay rent and to see rock shows.

and even though we laughed it is so true.