nothing in here is true

  1. Tuesday, April 22, 2014


    He was all I want to write her a love poem.

    I stopped at the light, kept my head looking forward and said you don’t wanna write any love poem.

    Yes I do. YES I DO! He laughed knowing that he did wanna write not just one but many.

    Dude, chicks don’t like love poems.

    Why not?

    Because they come from spazzes like us. Only time they’d actually want one is from some lunkhead who couldn’t write a good one in the first place.

    Are you suggesting we start ghostwriting? He asked. Because if you are, I’m down.

    I didn’t tell him no because back in the day the love poem market was sweet.

  2. computers broke, moose out front shoulda told you so 

    march of the penguins

    something happened somewhere. might have been my fault. probably was.

    computer’s broke. going to the apple store tonight to see what can be done about it.

    heat probs, im guessing. me getting a chinese power adapter might not have helped.

    or putting it on my bed blanket every night while thinking of things to write to you probs didnt help.

    we’re all just marching to our doom, arent we? probs.

    at least we have iphones to write to each other with though.


  3. Sunday, April 20, 2014
  4. Friday, April 18, 2014

    Coachella day one was fun 








    I ran into old friends I didn’t expect to see

    I saw the replacements who were better than I thought they’d be

    The beer and food were good

    And now I’m walking home cuz I’m cray

  5. brought toothpaste and white socks and swim trunks 


    and the sweetest cambridge audio iphone speaker box thats now discontinued and slippers and sunglasses


    and fruits and vegetables and whole grain coffee and crystals and dream catchers and external battery packs


    and golf clubs to go with our free in-garage golf cart and a point n shoot camera and its battery charger


    and iphone 5 lightning cables and tshirts and hoodies and lotion and blood pressure pills a kite and a scarf


    but i forgot pajama bottoms, vodka, and google chrome

  6. Thursday, April 17, 2014

    Standing in line at will call at Coachella 


    Chris and I drove out tonight instead of tomorrow mostly bc I had to get my ticket from will call. Tomorrow.

    But while we were at the gate of the condo they wouldn’t let us in because we are on the list for tomorrow not today. Chris knows we are paying for tonight but bc it was last minute the company prob didn’t put us on the list.

    So he said can you let us in at midnight? Technically that’s tomorrow. She said yes.

    I noticed will call was open till 2. So we drove over. I stood in line for 5 minutes while blogging this. And now I’m registering my wristband.

    This is exactly how Jimi Hendrix imagined.

  7. douglas arellanes got to welcome them to prague 


    steve coulter got to run errands for them in isla vista

    and i got to interview them – twice

    the replacements are the greatest band to only attract 100 people to the coachella stage at coachella

    and they’ll probably never get invited back, but who cares

    hopefully the tractor trailer of money that goldenvoice paid them to make their rickety slo-mo reunion tour of sorts swing thru palm springs

    a place people retire

    could fill the now forgotten metrodome.

    i love this band so much im paying crazy amounts of money and passing up better offers to do dumber things.

    if i was barack obama id give paul and tommy medals of freedom

    and put a picture of bob stinson on the three dollar bill.

    i cant believe i get to see them again tomorrow after too too long.

    god bless rock.

  8. Wednesday, April 16, 2014

    the secret to LA is youve gotta enjoy the view 


    this is the 101 freeway at vermont. the hollywood freeway. almost always packed. never beautiful.

    until today.

    today was the day that you decided that no matter what

    you were gonna find the beauty in the situation and it’s chocolatey creamy center:

    the love.

    the love of the 101 is it gets you from downtown to the valley and if you want up through santa barbara

    santa cruz, frisco, eureka and up into oregon.

    if i had an adventurous girlfriend id say baby pack yr overalls we’re gonna see what the 101 has to offer.

    and we’d probably just end it in isla vista

    but sometimes it’s the bad idea that counts.

    and im here for all yr bad idea needs.


    my favorite car wash has the most interesting technique, BEFORE you go into the machine wash deal,

    one, sometimes two dudes soap up yr ride and then spray it off before they send you through the thing

    then as its rinsing they might squirt a little stream at yr backside to make sure everythings gone

    you give em a few extra bucks but it dont matter: the $6 wash, $8 with tip is always top notch

    its at the chevron across the street from the chevron on beverly and la brea

    just two blocks from quentin tarantinos movie theatre.

    tell em merle sent ya


    the cats love me now for some reason. maybe cuz i was gone a few days and they starved.

    one of them tries to meow but its in a different language, like maybe hes deaf. its almost a chirp.

    the other cats look down on him for it, but omg hes so happy when i get home. he runs ahead of me like a dog

    climbs up my stairs, jets into my house and later remembers hes supposed to be afraid of me for some reason

    (cuz im black) and then darts back almost outside but loiters near the door.

    all of these cats pretend like you cant tell em what to do, that theyre on their own schedule

    but only one of us has the 50 cent an ounce cat food and it aint them.

    and when it is they fight over it, but never finish it.

    they all cray


    went to the pharmacy the other day to get a refil on my high blood pressure pills.

    xbi doesnt like the pills cuz it messes up their pee tests

    they dont know whats in my body.

    i was all sugar and spice and everything

    they were all no, like did you smoke crack, etc

    i was like

    you can read my mind just esp me and i’ll tell you

    but they didn’t.

    they wanted unadulterated urine and i was all you sick kinky sickos

    so via phone i was able to order a refill of the pills in like one minute

    and schedule a time i would pick it up, and when i did, boom, there was my junk

    total price $4.40


    but the best part of this week was watching all the nice jewish people celebrate passover

    every holiday should be a holiday. we only live once.

    and how often do we really live during our lifetime?

    getting drunk doesnt count, getting naked doesnt count

    they do count but you can really live without going to the extremes

    driving fast doesnt count,

    to me it means doing stuff interestingly enough

    you totally forget if you have to pee.

    cubs got swept today

    jeanine didnt call me

    danielle did

    played lana del rey for these 15 year olds.

    they talked like they didnt even hear it.

  9. Tuesday, April 15, 2014

    etienne says hi. she says she wasnt in the chilian fire 

    etienneor the earthquake. or the sink hole. or the flash flood.

    instead shes interviewing at the santiago daily newspaper trying to get a job so as to put food on the table.

    right now shes very skinny and forced to wear left over sweaters created in strange lands

    we dont chat that often because of uber and life and celebrity demands on both of us.

    but we like each others things on instagram and will occasionally send a link of something to each other.

    thats the way some of my best relationships are.

    heres a heart on the picture of you on insta, i still think youre awesome. heres a like.

    of course any like i get from pretty girls means they love me and want to marry me

    so my brain says.

    where was this rule written?

    in my optimistic heart. the same one that says if the cubs win a game they will win it all.

    the same one that buys lottery tickets even though i barely get one number right.

    the same one that says oh you can eat ten tootsie rolls instead of dinner

    and then at midnight says oh you havent eaten dinner, lets get you dinner.

    the same one that says oh you are twice the age of everyone at coachella: then you should go go go.

    and now i must go.

    etienne is having a birthday soon.

    id get her a gift but it takes a year for her to receive it.