lets say the xbi had a young lady waiting for me when i got home


and lets say i didnt want any xbi young lady inside my crib after a long day of work and uber

and lets say she was hands down the hottest xbi lady ive ever seen

and she was wearing a short skirt a beret and a tshirt that said busblog.

so lets say somehow she made her way into my mcmansion and she looked around for a while

while i analyzed my fantasy baseball teams.

lets say in the morning the once-giddy woman was now suddenly seemingly ticked off.

you dont get to be ticked off, i reminded her.

she bounded up a led me into the bathroom.

what is THIS, bald man, doing in your bathroom, she said sharply pointing at a long strand

of brunette hair.

i was all, i never want to see you in that shirt again.

she took it off obediantly

and i whispered

my maid was just here

and i kicked her out.

and threw a sweatshirt at her through the window.

one with a tracking chip in the label

of course,


Best thing I’ve read on tumblr.


Professor :You are a Christian, aren’t you, son?
Student :Yes, sir.
Professor:So, you believe in GOD?
Student :Absolutely, sir.
Professor :Is GOD good?
Student :Sure.
Professor:Is GOD all powerful?
Student :Yes.
Professor:My brother died of cancer even though he prayed to GOD to heal him. Most of us would attempt to help others who are ill. But GOD didn’t. How is this GOD good then? Hmm?

(Student was silent.)

Professor:You can’t answer, can you ? Let’s start again, young fella. Is GOD good?
Student :Yes.
Professor:Is satan good?
Student :No.
Professor:Where does satan come from?
Student :From … GOD …
Professor:That’s right. Tell me son, is there evil in this world?
Student :Yes.
Professor:Evil is everywhere, isn’t it ? And GOD did make everything. Correct?
Student :Yes
Professor:So who created evil ?

(Student did not answer.)

Professor:Is there sickness? Immorality? Hatred? Ugliness? All these terrible things exist in the world, don’t they?
Student :Yes, sir.
Professor:So, who created them ?

(Student had no answer.)

Professor:Science says you have 5 Senses you use to identify and observe the world around you. Tell me, son, have you ever seen GOD?
Student :No, sir.
Professor:Tell us if you have ever heard your GOD?
Student :No , sir.
Professor:Have you ever felt your GOD, tasted your GOD, smell your GOD? Have you ever had any sensory perception of GOD for that matter?
Student :No, sir. I’m afraid I haven’t.
Professor:Yet you still believe in Him?
Student :Yes.
Professor :According to Empirical, Testable, Demonstrable Protocol, Science says your GOD doesn’t exist. What do you say to that, son?
Student :Nothing. I only have my faith.
Professor:Yes, faith. And that is the problem Science has.

madonna and katy perry

Student :Professor, is there such a thing as heat?
Student :And is there such a thing as cold?
Student :No, sir. There isn’t.

(The lecture theatre became very quiet with this turn of events.)

Student :Sir, you can have lots of heat, even more heat, superheat, mega heat, white heat, a little heat or no heat. But we don’t have anything called cold. We can hit 458 degrees below zero which is no heat, but we can’t go any further after that. There is no such thing as cold. Cold is only a word we use to describe the absence of heat. We cannot measure cold. Heat is energy. Cold is not the opposite of heat, sir, just the absence of it.

(There was pin-drop silence in the lecture theater.)

Student :What about darkness, Professor? Is there such a thing as darkness?
Professor:Yes. What is night if there isn’t darkness?
Student :You’re wrong again, sir. Darkness is the absence of something. You can have low light, normal light, bright light, flashing light. But if you have no light constantly, you have nothing and its called darkness, isn’t it? In reality, darkness isn’t. If it is, were you would be able to make darkness darker, wouldn’t you?
Professor:So what is the point you are making, young man?
Student :Sir, my point is your philosophical premise is flawed.
Professor:Flawed ? Can you explain how?
Student :Sir, you are working on the premise of duality. You argue there is life and then there is death, a good GOD and a bad GOD. You are viewing the concept of GOD as something finite, something we can measure. Sir, Science can’t even explain a thought. It uses electricity and magnetism, but has never seen, much less fully understood either one. To view death as the opposite of life is to be ignorant of the fact that death cannot exist as a substantive thing. Death is not the opposite of life: just the absence of it. Now tell me, Professor, do you teach your students that they evolved from a monkey?
Professor:If you are referring to the natural evolutionary process, yes, of course, I do.
Student :Have you ever observed evolution with your own eyes, sir?

(The Professor shook his head with a smile, beginning to realize where the argument was going.)

Student :Since no one has ever observed the process of evolution at work and cannot even prove that this process is an on-going endeavor. Are you not teaching your opinion, sir? Are you not a scientist but a preacher?

(The class was in uproar.)

Student :Is there anyone in the class who has ever seen the Professor’s brain?

(The class broke out into laughter.)

Student :Is there anyone here who has ever heard the Professor’s brain, felt it, touched or smelt it? No one appears to have done so. So, according to the established Rules of Empirical, Stable, Demonstrable Protocol, Science says that you have no brain, sir. With all due respect, sir, how do we then trust your lectures, sir?

(The room was silent. The Professor stared at the student, his face unfathomable.)

Professor:I guess you’ll have to take them on faith, son.
Student :That is it sir… Exactly ! The link between man and GOD is FAITH. That is all that keeps things alive and moving.

That student was Madonna