people act like salvidor dali didnt love to jump rope


yesterday i ate watermelon for the first time. i was a little drunk.

also psychologically the only black kid at school cant be running around eating watermelon.

but in a salad, after a few beers, surrounded by intelligent worldly people

a brother can eat a little watermelon with his kale and steak

and feta.

i keep remembering what this crazy person told me about universal studios,

she said if you were on your death bed what would you regret?

and i thought say finding out what your apartment looks like.

but she said, i bet it’s “i never went to universal”.

and suddenly i knew what her apartment looked like.

salvador dali roller skating.

mary, the biggest party girl on the wessside, had recently escaped rehab


i hadnt seen her in a while. i was at coachella when she told me she was entering a swanky beachside facility for a month.

a few weeks ago she texted me saying i need an uber i gotta get out of this place.

apparently the beachside malibu resort-style valhalla was too much for her.

the trips to trader joes, the massages, the kingsized suite wasn’t what she hoped for

what she really wanted was to see her beloved dog and sleep in her own bed and get back to work.

she also wanted to turn over a new leaf, stop hanging out with the party people in her life

and start doing more wholesome, healthy pursuits like throwing dinner parties with miss universe contestants

like me and my buddy todd.



im not a dinner party expert and when mary said all you have to do is wash the dishes, the girls and i will cook i was all, should i bring pie?

apparently im the last person in LA who eats pie.

so she sent me a text with a photo of a certain black raspberry chocolate chip ice cream and said i could bring that

ah yes, talenti gelato.

we grilled fish, steak, miss greece arrived with kale and watermelon, two delightful sisters were there

the conversations were spicy and real, and mary shared stories with us about kicking the habit.

before we knew it it was midnight and todd had to run home to feed his cat.

was i obnoxious? duh. will i get invited back next time? probably not.

but i did help dry the dishes and it was really nice to see mary dialed down a notch or two

and seemingly healthier and happier, which is what its all about.

ps that gelato was amazing.