1. Sunday, May 4, 2014

    Sat next to Farook and Ali at the Clipper game 

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    xbi was all wanna see game 7?

    I was like nah

    They were all front row upper deck drink tickets free tacos

    I said yawn I’d rather see it at home, alone, in my pajamas

    They were all: you can park in our parking lot for free

    I said can I get a plus one?

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    They were like sure but you gotta do a flavor for us.

    I went see always a catch with you guys can’t just flow a brother outta the kindness of your heart alwas gotta be quid pro quo alwas gotta be a ying pro yang. What. What do you want me to do: kill someone at halftime? Poison the other teams Gatorade? Hack the scoreboard? Trade arms for hostages?

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    They said those are all great ideas, but can you bring us back a few shirts? They might be giving them away.

    And I felt bad for distrusting my old agency.

    So I said yeah sure.

    And at halftime I did them an extra favor at no add’l cost bc they had been so nice.