picked up a guy in venice we drove to beverly hills

a million ways to die

we agreed on a lot of things:

that GPS systems are miracles
that WiFi is a miracle
that the government spying on us is bullshit
that its surprising that both parties spy on us no problem
that no more of these giant companies should be allowed to merge
that Uber is amazing

dropped him off at this nice restaurant
and as he was leaving he said
hey she might want to leave right away, can you stick around for a minute?
i said yes because you should always say yes
and i watched him go inside, greet a cocktail table of three women
and sit down.
so since i was in the valet spot i took off because he looked busy.
a minute later he beeps me.
so i turn around, drive back, and pick him up with she.
and what a she.

really pretty but in a natural way. happy. not drunk.
sitting in the middle of the back seat as close to him as she can
she figures out stuff on her phone, theres texting, talking
stories are exchanged and she says to him
can you set your alarm to 5am.
he does it. and she says, now listen im going to take an ambien
as soon as i get my apartment
so you have about 15 minutes to make a move or
or it’s your fault, not mine.

they laughed and kissed and she said no really
as soon as i get in there.

my mom asked if i was ok

kurt cobain

i was all ma, sometimes you have really bad diarrhea

and the best thing to do is just go in there and get it out.

and you wipe, flush, wash your hands and go on with your day.

but sometimes if something super bad got in you

sometimes you have to go back in there a little while later

and shoot out whatevers left in there.

then you’ll feel complete.

it must be weird for my mom to be related to such a flowery poet.

it’s always worth it, even if it sucks


I still can’t believe she used me so ruthlessly. So dishonestly. So halfassedly.

Why steal from someone who’s giving you everything you ask for and bonuses? Why kill the golden goose for his beak? Why steal the cage bird’s cage?

I was so trusting if she had said let’s make a lil xbi agent named Lil. or LOL. or Lil LOL, I woulda said fine.

Y not. The worlds ending anyways. The beginning of the end is almost over. Even the black president isn’t the answer. Which is a little shocking.

We live in a world where a fricken lime costs the same a candy bar.

Yes let me bring infants into this fixed game.

And then leave me and make me pay child support for decades.

Instead she stole. Small things. Dreams. Hopes. PTO days. Who does that?

It’d be like robbers saying we’re here for the boxed wine.

She used to feed me bananas and then chocolate sauce and then mini marshmallows and then love.

She coulda just said maybe we should just buy a few acres in Baja and freaking grow some damn limes. Can’t be that hard.

But no.

And I’m mad but that’s like being pissed the truck missed hitting you.