and within an hour i was completely depressed. and sleepy. and then it dawned on me: id been poisoned!
i get depressed maybe 3 times a year. for about 20 minutes total.
how did this fish taco nail me for a good 15 minutes?
and why would they want to poison me? again? but why now?
ah, because i can uber again. they know i love it so.
they know that with uber i dont need them. i dont think about them. it completes me.
the last thing they want me to do is commune with the city and navigate its many twists and turns.
they know if im low im open to evil. i can be manipulated.
so i went to the 99 cent store and got a box of milky way bars. and a box of $100k bars.
and an Orange Crush.
while waiting in line i saw a french lady with two adorable daughters buy candy and a douche.
a 99 cent store douche.
i walked past that ginormous rock and thought about all the mouths that rock could have fed
if they hadnta spent millions taking that dumb thing from the desert to the miracle mile
but i knew that was the poison talking. so i ate a candy bar. and then another.
got up the elevator, got a Coke outta the machine bc i was delirious and totally forgot i had another pop.
sat down in my office and got back to work.
now cured i will rejoin the good people of this metropolis and take them to bars and restaurants.