when i woke up i thought the day was going to be a certain way


but then i started reading Job as the sunday bible reading

then i got a text message altering the second half of the day

and then everything spiraled into freeform jazz which was ok

because i was all, i’ll just lay here and watch orange is the new black

until the game of thrones season finale comes on.

and because life is never boring, one minute before the show was supposed to start,

sass texted me and said hey we’re gonna go to the zankou by your house wanna come?

one little weakness i have is chicken, especially if two international superstars are driving


after eating, sass wanted popsicles so we walked across the street to the 7-11

along the way a big black dude sipping on sizzrup yelled something at sass

who was wearing the shortest shorts and he mentioned something about her posterior

so she yelled something back at him.

and he said, but you have no ass.

so she said, but you have no money, and we entered the 7-11 and he followed us in.

one bad thing about being an undercover xbi agent: its hard to stay undercover

in broad daylight, flanked by two hot little women, one of whom is trying to make a point

the ladies were not happy with the selection of icy poles so we exited and as we did

our new friend shadowed us. i turned to him and tried to ESP him but bro was drunk

which made me worried he wanted to fight.


as we crossed the street sass spotted who she thought was an LA county sherrif

but it was actually just a security guard at the chicken joint

so she ran to him shouting behind her at the drunk “MAYBE THIS SHERIFF WANTS TO KNOW”

but i grabbed her before she got through the door

we all piled into the car as bro veered over to the liquor store

and we drove to Vons.

that wasnt a sheriff, sass, i told her.

and it was quiet for a little while in the car.

until i told her a little buddhist proverb for our little situation.

it goes: if a wise man and a fool are arguing, no one can tell who’s the fool.

then we brainstormed It’s Good Day where you write down things that pissed you off

that you’re still carrying around to this very day and it’s bring you down

and you go to the LA colosseum and everyone burns their little paper.

and theres a rock concert and lots of booze

and you judge how successful the day was by how much you barfed.