ive got a buddy who’s pregnant and the bb is now overdue

sweet candleok fine HE’S not pregnant nor does he say “we’re pregnant”

but you get the idea: his beautiful better half is about to pop and the due date has come and gone.

i told him i’d light a candle for him

but the truth is theres only two ways a candle gets lit in Casa Busblog

1. i didnt realize i put a banana in my sock draw a week ago and now ive got a fruit fly convention in the crib

2. a fancy lingerie model wants to “set the mood” before giving me a fashion show.

3. someone destroyed the lavatory and opening a window isn’t doing it.

so here’s an animated GIF (hard G) for my buddy, his wife, and their forthcoming dependent.

if i was the baby id be dragging my feet too, but at some point we all have to enter the void.

or in this infant’s case – exit it.

bonne chance, mi amigo.

the best thing about being born right now is you wont have to wait very long to see the Cubs in the World Series.

which is probably why if it’s a boy you should be named Banks.

or Starlin Castro.

every writers goal shouldnt be to write three good books like bukowski

tumblr_n7vzjbEsH61rkyq1oo5_500

it should be to write one good one.

like a really good one.

one thats more about all of us instead of just you.

one that future Tumblr kids can quote on their hologram blogs.

one that has meaning and surprises and is edgy and woulda gotten banned just like all the other great banned books.

one thats so good you need to write it under a fake name because it tells all the juicy stuff thats still juicy long after youre dead.

lets say you had a grandpa and hes long gone and you get a package one day from the people who now own his house

and they send you an old golden paged diary with a note:

we found this in our attic. it belonged to your relative. its so personal and good we dont feel right keeping it.

we googled you and found how to get this to you.

we promise we didnt read too much. sorry.

and when you read it you’re all GRAMPA!

thats the book we should be writing right now.