deep down im a very old man. actually not that deep.
while in college i went hiking my freshman year with a bunch of new college friends.
they thought it would be funny to wake up, sprinkle granola bars with lsd
and give them to all of us sleeping amigos as the sun rose.
i knew something was up because who giggles and says eat this tony unless evil lurks.
it was quite a way to wake up, lemme tell you, and that whole morning slash afternoon i whined
why are we hiking? whats the point? why did we sleep in the dirt? black people dont do this!
and i realized that i was like a weird milk chocolate candy bar.
on the outside i was beautiful and smooth and delicious
and in the creamy center i was full of youth and sweetness
but right in the middle of that i was this hard old nut maybe a million years old.
which i was reminded up not that long ago when i woke up in a hotel suite with a pretty girl
who for some reason thought it was ok to put her tea service on our bed
when there was a perfectly good night stand right next to her.
she was all, shut up grandpa and read this to me as i fall back to sleep.