1. Sunday, August 10, 2014

    do you have any questions for me? 

    biggiepicked up a smoking hot black woman about three blocks from skid row tonight.

    i was summoned by someone claiming to be his brother. but i have a feeling she was a high class hooker and she was done for the night and part of her deal was they have to call an uber to drive her home.

    she was a little sad. emotionally. as we drove she asked me a lot of questions and finally she said, do you have any question for me?

    are you a man? are you a hooker? do you find the back of my head sexy? will the cubs really win it all in just two years after the rest of the kids develop in the minors? what the hell happened to obama? should i see boyhood or galaxy of the guardians tomorrow? will i ever be loved for my heart instead of all the time my abs and quads? will bey and jigga settle their problems? unemployments down the stock markets up gas prices are dropping: what does a president have to do to get a little credit?

    but all i asked was what she did for a living. i do makeup for a high end brand.

    she asked me what my wildest ride was. i didnt have a good answer.

    she asked me if i had kids. i said i have the best kids: a niece and a nephew who i dont have to take to band practice in the morning.

    she told me it was her birthday. she told me that not all women dress for women, some dress for men. she told me she only had one drink all night. she asked if i like to party. i said ive had my share of that, which is why i drive on weekends.

    we drove through hollywood and we talked about prince while listening to biggie, nicki, and then 2pac.

    you like prince she asked like a phone sex worker would say to keep the conversation going.

    of course i like prince? even racists love prince. thats like saying do you like the perfect weather we’ve been having these last 46 months.

    so i told her i like prince so much i named the two kittens prince and michael.

    as we got closer to her apartment she didnt really know where it was.

    exsqueeze me?

    suddenly i had questions but she said, “you have made this ride so nice. thank you tony.”

    and i looked back and somehow she was even prettier.

    even if i didnt know i shoulda just said, i know what youre doing and i just wanna tell you it’s gonna be ok.