the xbi sent me a telegram (!) yesterday

mileyit said, have you noticed that everyone all around you falls apart?

and it made me go through a series of emotions:

disbelief, all my friends and loved ones are at the top of their game

doubt, except for that one and that one and

anger, if the xbi is behind all of this i will use their evil weaponry against them!

sleepiness, man i was pooped

super anger, why would they waste their energies on me

religious, dear god please smite them with your fancy energies of retribution

and then finally zen: i sent them a pie

along with it a note

if you eat this pie all the negative feelings you were trying to instil on me will be multiplied

and you will have gas for a good thirty minutes

maybe forty!

if you dont eat this pie you will prove to me that you have no courage

for how can a pie be filled with feelings you superstitious so called superheroes!?!!?

prove you have eaten it all by video taping it with a copy of todays newspaper

which some of them did as i recently received a youtube clip.

never kiss an xbi agent.

they’ll put anything in their mouth.

did 20 rides yesterday in 10.5 hours

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when i got home i unwrapped a 5 hour old taco bell burrito from my glove box,

ate it, and passed out.

can a 108 year old man sustain two jobs, two kittens, a smokin hot girlfriend, an ex-gf on the couch

and blog regularily?

according to danielle: no. she called me yesterday to tell me she hates when i blog about uber.

she also told me that the blue car i gave her a few years ago finally bit the dust.

“who cares about those people in your car? plus you look like a perv in those pictures!”

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not all of us were born with beautiful long blonde hair and runway model features.

i simply talk to the people, try not to judge, and smile for the birdy.

yesterday was labor day, it was supposed to be hella busy. it pretty much was.

first guy i picked up was the worst (made me wait when i arrived, then made me stop at the 7-11 near his destination, all while wearing a pink polo shirt and pink shorts). gay prostitute? doubt it, gays are more fun.

last couple i picked up were the best: nice long ride from marina del rey to LAX where a bag was delayed and they had to retrieve it, back to hollywood near my house. bonus: their cute dog was a silent bit of joy.

along the way there were frat boys, international students, an old british guy who had returned from palm springs early and wanted one more drink at the Old Kings Head, and the usual assortment of sexy ladies who threw themselves at me.

i surpassed my goal, my arms didn’t hurt, i drove 200 miles, never had to fill up, and only took one bathroom break which happened to be in a freshly cleaned taco bell bathroom (so i purchased said burritos as a thank you).

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but the most interesting ride was a 10th grader named Bermuda who told me she snuck into the Budweiser Made in America concert on Sunday to see her favorite rapper, Kanye West. even though she lives in a pretty fancy house she thought the lineup was terrible and the thought of paying hundreds of dollars to see one act was ridic so she and her friends paid a guy $75 to illegally escort her past the security guard. apparently he had bribed a particular guard and walked people in all day.

Bermuda said the only other time she had seen Kanye was at the Odd Future festival last year at the Sports Arena.

i said, you were in 9th grade and you saw the Odd Future show? she was all, yeah. i said, should 9th grade girls be going to an Odd Future show alone? she giggled and said, noooooooo.

i said, im turning off the meter right now because youre awesome.

then she told me that the only annoying thing about school are the 6th graders who are into Tyler from Odd Future because it dimishes her love of him.

hes a genius, like kanye, she said.