today is mary’s birthday shes 24

mary and bekka

born to ohio riverboat captains, mary moved to california on an ice skating scholarship.

the claremont colleges werent a good fit for the outgoing blonde (seen here “studying” with xbi marine agent bekka) so she jumped ship and started a career in human resources where she excelled.

one thing led to another and mary is now in venice where she can be seen walking her dog along abbott kinney in a floppy hat

and smiling and smiling and smiling.

mary is one of the friendliest people you’ll ever meet. she might not even be from ohio, she may just say that to make you feel better.

in a past life she was probably a night nurse who would hold you in her arms and whisper sweet everythings to you as you floated back into your medicinal haze.

what are her goals in life? to marry the richest man west of Lincoln and only wear high heels and g-strings.

ive never seen mary work out but she maintains a miraculous shape for someone who eats as much gelato as she does.

she has a beautiful apartment and a terrible stereo system with one john mayer cd.

she doesnt even know the name of it.

so would-be suitors: bring your own boombox, but not booze as todays birthday girl is a teetotaler, as are all her closest friends.

they may all be from another land. like pennsylvania.