1. Friday, September 5, 2014

    xbi was all thanks for what you did but isnt your house all bloody now? 

    glazed tub and sink

    i was like, never you mind. wheres my money.

    they were all, seriously if theres a blood trail we’re all screwed. i said dude, ive been doing this forever, dont you know i know?

    still they were nervous for some reason. who was this guy? why was this any different.

    they said, we’re gonna send someone over to make sure everythings untraceable.

    i said, absolutely not. plus nothing happened. he was persuaded, and he was escorted out. end of story.

    they said, come on agent, everyone wants to sleep tight tonight.

    so i said the worst thing i could ever say.

    trust me.

    and in the morning i woke up and my 13 year old yellow bathtub and sink were completely reglazed

    and virgin white.

    but worse, my uber app didn’t work any more.

    everyone knows uber customer support for drivers takes forever which means i probably wont be driving this weekend now.

    what the hell am i supposed to do on a friday night? take a damn bath?