the kittens have free reign of my home, except for my bedroom

ariana grande

at first i did that because they had fleas, but now that they are flea-free i keep them out just in case.

it’s bad enough for the women in my life that im in the bed, they sure as hell dont deserve fleas.

anyways last night in the middle of the night i heard the door open and then the kittens jumped into my bed.

please dont turn us into eunuchs they begged and cuddled up with me.

i picked them up in the dark and tossed them into the hallway. then took a leak and wondered how they figured out my deadbolt.

as i tried to get back to sleep i heard them scratching under the crack in the door

and then trying to bulldoze the door open.

but i sleep like a rock so soon i was back to the black movie screen called tonys dreamland.

when i woke up at 6:30am i showered got dressed and put them into their travel crate: which was more difficult than normal because i swear these animals KNEW what was going to happen.

i took one of the plastic newspaper bags that wrapped the morning paper and i swung it above them

they love jumping for plastic bags. and i tossed it into the crate and one followed it in there and the second one was easier to trap.

and we drove to echo park. led zep was playing in the vet’s joint, which made me feel better.

and after paying $269 for Michael and $169 for Prince,

they will no longer be able to procreate.

i dont care if they hate me. i can take it.