is the Internet screwed? no. just the American Internet

obama with FCC chairman Wheeler

all over the world, the web is fine, because in most parts of the world big business isn’t treated like Royalty.

here in the home of the brave, there’s a political party that pretends that if giant conglomerates aren’t allowed to

do whatever they damn well please

then all the jobs will disappear.

we quickly forget that all of these businesses began as start-ups that filled a hole in the market.

Apple didn’t need any special treatment when it was competing against IBM, Microsoft, Xerox and countless other giants.

Apple, omg, invented shit, stuck to their principles of innovation, and for decades struggled before they broke out.

Now they’re bigger than big, mightier than anyone, and the hottest store in every mall lucky enough to have them.

Time Warner, Comcast, AT&T and all these other Internet providers and cable companies lie right to our faces

and tell us that if they are not allowed to slow down web speeds to smaller companies like Netflix and programs like BitTorrent

then their businesses will falter and omg jobs jobs jobs and profits will magically evaporate.

now there are a lot of things i like about our president. he turned around the economy

millions of people now have healthcare. the stock market is breaking records every day.

and he seems to give a shit about the environment.

but when he fucks up he does so in such a huge way it’s like he made some weird deal with the GOP

“i’ll throw you a bone, no matter what it is, a few times a year.”

even though all they do is try to cockblock him Every. Chance. They. Can.

for some hairbrained reason Obama named the BFF of the cable industry as the head of the FCC.

Some douche named Wheeler.

Wheeler is not going to have some amazing revelation in the near future.

He’s not going to tell all of his country club brethren that they’re going to have to stop throttling the web.

He’s going to lie and say he wants to listen to both sides.

And then he’s going to do exactly what we know he’s going to do.

Why? Because he is a Scorpion and we are Frogs.

He can’t help it.

He and all of his friends are addicted to money.

And the people who keep voting for this nonsense are addicted to fear and ignorance.

But I’m not angry. And do you know why?

Because you cannot stop American ingenuity, particularly when porn is involved.

The web will be fast one day because teenage boys, the keys to digital technology, won’t stand for slow connections

to see boobs.

bless their hearts.