1. Monday, November 3, 2014

    only in my mind am i old 

    my house

    my body feels amazing, my spirits are high, but when people ask me how long ive been in LA

    and i tell them 30 years they say wait a second

    just HOW OLD are you?

    had a lady, 88 years old, get into my car. she was going to the Disney Hall.

    do you know where that is? she asked.

    i said, probably the prettiest building in all of LA.

    she said, maybe the world.

    i said, well, something tells me that mr. naploean and marie antoinette would argue differently.

    she said, well let them eat cake.

    and we were off.

    she had an old tymie name like Lulabelle or Henrietta or Petunia. a wealthy aunt left her a fortune when she was 50 and was able to send her daughter to Juliard, where she went.

    are you sure you know how to get there, dear, she asked as i zig zagged through Westwood on my way to the 10.

    it’s the pink building by the beach, i joked. but you shouldnt joke with an old lady.

    she asked me about 5 more times as we were going there if i knew the way.

    finally i pointed to my phone and i said, even if i didnt know, ma’am, this thing does and shocks me if i go off the path.

    she mumbled that technology has ruined everything and complicated our lives and i said you mean you yearn for the days when the tv had three stations and thats it? me too!

    but i was lying. i love you technology with my very last proton.

    she was so old she couldnt do math any more.

    and as we got to downtown she apologized ahead of time before complimenting the president.

    she said, im sorry if this offends you, but i think Obama is doing a splendid job.

    i said, what sort of world are we living in where a woman can’t feel confident saying something nice about our president?

    she said, well what if you were a Republican?

    i said even if i was a dirty Commie, the gas prices are low, unemployment is low, the stock market is at a record high, interest rates are low, and a big chunk of the nation now has health insurance. who could have a problem with any of that?

    she squeezed my arm with her bony fingers and said yeah you’re right.

    what was she calling me, buster? dearie?

    sweetheart?

    she i dropped her off at the valet, he didnt smile. he asked if i was going to pick her up. as if maybe she had done him wrong some how. or he didnt like her.

    wasnt the whole hall senior citizens? why give her the stink eye?

    i liked her and i was driving around westwood later that night and i hoped she had gotten home ok because she was lovely.

    married a man, when she was 20, that the family didnt approve of because he was not rich, but she did it anyway, she admitted to me, because he was so handsome.

    it lasted 30 years she said. which is fine unless you end up back on the market at 50 as a recent divorcee.

    but then all the money came her way, so maybe that helped soften the blow.