nothing in here is true

  1. Thursday, December 25, 2014

    ali was all lets have a drink 

    rustic inn

    shes of the jewish persuasion which means her parents made mexican food last night

    i had a pizza and i tossed a little tuna fish into the kitties bowl.

    why not.

    we drank and the music was beautiful, mostly classic rock and a little metal.

    it’s interesting which places are open and which are closed on christmas eve.

    and today i watched movies and passed out as the kittens curled up next to me

    and i chilled to the next episode.

    tonight i’ll dine with jeanine, who today is 100 days sober.

    the best movie i watched today was wreck-it ralph, second time ive seen it.

    the details, the messages, damn.

    and way better than frozen

  2. Tuesday, December 23, 2014

    im constantly baffled at how we dont let computers do computing 

    team america

    how hard would it be to write a little script that says

    if we are really offering people less than a dollar for their used DVDs

    then dont offer to buy them, because it makes us look like cheap ass asswipes


    and if people really are sending in their dvds to get a thirty cent gift card

    then fuck Team America, make a movie about these people.

    way more interesting than damn puppets.

  3. Monday, December 22, 2014

    i just got tickets to see Louis CK 

    louis ck

    here’s the letter he sent people

    Dear getter of this.

    Hi. It’s Louis CK writing you. Do you remember me? I’m a professional standup comedian. Today I am writing you because I’m going to do some shows in January to wrap up this year’s touring schedule before I begin production on season five of my series.

    Here’s where I’ll be playing…. (I put those three dots in to give you a minute to collect yourself before you read this list of 3 cities)

    Chicago Theater (January 5th and 6th) New York MSG (January 7th) LA (January 11th)


    Tickets are as always 45 dollars all in. Except at MSG we have some tickets for 25 and a few for 65.

    New York State has laws which prohibit us from forcing out of town ticket buyers to pick up their tickets in person which is something we do in order to reduce scalping and price gouging. Therefore If you are trying to buy tickets to the MSG shows and you are outside of a 200 mile radius, you won’t be able to. This is because we think you might be buying the tickets just to resell them. If you are a fan from out of town who is getting lost in the cracks of this system please email tickets@louisck.net and we will try to help you get tickets.

    I hope you make it to one of the shows. Happy new year. Happy holidays. Happy life. Happy family. Happy pets. Happy elephants.

    Louis ck.”

    Despite playing MSG, Louis CK is  staying true to his promise of making tickets to his shows fair and scalper free.
  4. what the fuck does Marco Rubio know about Democracy 

    LA yesterday“My opposition to what the President has done [with Cuba] is it won’t do anything to further that cause (of democratization),” Florida Senator Marco Rubio said on NBC’s “Meet the Press” on Sunday. “There has to be some reciprocal opening on their part toward democracy and there was none in this engagement.”

    On Friday President Barack Obama announced that he was going to normalize relations with Cuba, establish embassies, and call for an end of the bullshit that the U.S. has tried to wage with the island nation for 50 years.

    Marco Rubio, because he is full of crap, is pretending that he doesn’t want it because Cuba refuses to become a democratic country.

    snoop doggBut my question to Rubio is, when did you become some fucking expert on democracy?

    The dictionary says a democracy is “a form of government in which the supreme power is vested in the people and exercised directly by them or by their elected agents under a free electoral system.”

    But we all know corporations have the supreme power in the USA, which is why there is this current struggle between the 1% who truly run shit and the 99% who are rarely given a place at the table.

    If America was a true democracy why are there so few women in Congress and even fewer Blacks and Latinos? And why would there be an electoral college?

    If the GOP was so concerned about democracy, why do they fight so hard to keep poor people away from polling booths? Why are we still voting on Tuesdays? And in Congress, why is it that the majority doesn’t rule any more and it’s such a struggle to have a straight up-and-down vote on the floor?

    Marco Rubio doesn’t want democracy, he wants power, for his own political agenda. If he cared so much about democracy why hasn’t he rallied against China? Where is his bill banning Chinese goods being shipped into the US because they’re a communist country with a horrid human rights record?

    “This is going to do absolutely nothing to further human rights and democracy in Cuba,” the senator argued last week. So what has he done to fight for human rights in Saudi Arabia, Somalia, Sudan, Syria

    or St. Louis?

    Americans voted for Barack Obama, twice, democratically. The president ran under a plan to give health insurance to millions of uninsured Americans. That plan passed, was turned into law, and dozens and dozens of times the GOP has tried to undo what the people wanted.

    How the fuck is that democracy?

    Marco Rubio you are a hypocrite and a fraud who couldn’t care less what the American people want.

    Go drink some water and really think about how different you are from Fidel Castro, because I don’t think you’re that different from your fellow Cuban.

  5. Sunday, December 21, 2014

    as much as i love uber, the thrill is fading 

    astrolike in any service industry, you’re gonna run across the unsavory, the impolite, and the entitled.

    taylor swift may be able to shake it off, but she’s getting a little more than a buck a mile.

    the thing thats keeping me going is the nice people, of course,

    but it’s also a way to exercise patience.

    even the nice people make you wait forever.

    and the not so nice people do so many weird and subtly weird things.

    are they on drugs? do their parents know?

    then on top of it the company makes all of these improvements and upgrades and marketing moves: but not one of them benefits the drivers

    in fact in the year ive drive, i can’t recall one thing uber has done to improve either the income drivers make or making the job any easier or comfortable.

    they play this odd cat and mouse game where on one hand the drivers are called partners but on the other hand they distance themselves whenever the law comes around and says “we are not their employers, we just make a cool app.”

    but then they disconnect drivers from the app for a variety of reasons, most of them reasonable, but still. they control the rates, they control how many other drivers are competing for the passengers, they control the information about the rides.

    theyre the guy dating your mom who refuses to admit hes her boyfriend, swears he’s not your dad, but takes control over the remote and somehow has the license to send you to your room.

    tips are not included, bros.

    tips are never included in anything in this world, unless you see what the amount of  it is right there on the bill.

    strangely all of those things are far more annoying than these: LA traffic, cops, cabs, road closures, muscle aches, drunk people, drunk drivers, gangs

    how does that make any sense?

    it doesn’t, which is why i’ve been driving less and less lately,

    and watching more movies.

    saw selma last night and i cried like a baby.

  6. Friday, December 19, 2014
  7. Thursday, December 18, 2014

    last night live tweeting so many ppl were all oh yeah tony go! 

    fingerand then there was one guy who was all wait

    are you really sad that the drunk driver who stole the car

    and led the cops from hollywood to malibu

    while recklessly driving on sidewalks and the wrong direction of the pch

    did get shot to death at the end?

    i wanted to explain to him how there are a lot of other ways a car chase can end that would properly entertain and satisfy me.

    i wanted to type that blood and guts are not the only outcomes of car chases in fact any experienced car chase watcher knows that most endings dont conclude with blood.

    did i want the cops to shoot him? hell yes.

    but not because im blood thirsty, in fact the opposite.

    i wanted the cops to shoot him because i was afraid he was gonna kill innocent people.

    bro was speeding faster down Melrose than I ever saw any one drive.

    and you realize this is 2014: people have headphones on, theyre looking at their stupid phones, they’re high, they’re drunk, there are so many ways a clueless Los Angeleno can accidentally walk out in the middle of a sleepy Melrose Avenue at 10pm, never thinking that a car could be barreling down the road at 100 MPH

    yes, shoot that guy.

    and if you dont kill him, maybe you will let him know you mean business. remind him that this isnt a video game. and let the next guy know you’re not just gonna get a few traffic tickets.

    ironically, right as this anonymous negative tweeter was calling me names, down in redondo beach over a dozen pedestrians including a baby were hit by a car driven by a drunk driver. four people died.

    im sorry Occupy LA didn’t work out for you. im sorry you’re butthurt that sometimes cops do bad things. im black, you dont have to remind me that cops arent always the superheroes of the world.

    but you know who are villains every single time: drunk drivers speeding around pedestrians.

    if you want to debate me about that, put your name next to your dumbshit tweet and we can have a real debate between two human beings. until then you’re just a dumbshit troll with his head up his ass trying to kill my vibe on twitter.

     previously: live tweeting the car chase of the week

  8. Wednesday, December 17, 2014
  9. Tuesday, December 16, 2014
  10. whiplash is the movie of the year 

    whiplashthere was a time when studios would send over pretty girls to deliver me tapes of their films so i could write about them for the busblog and reach the smartest and most worldly readers in the world.

    when theyd come over and pour drinks and give me massages they would tell me they were from the academy but once i started working here i learned they werent from the academy, they were from the studios: or worse, hired by the studios to seduce me and influence my virgin mind into thinking that thier films were amaze times ten

    so when i got a knock on my door last night as the drizzle came down and it was two young ladies dressed in santa suits with revealing cleavage i was all, wrong number

    they were all, tony? tony pierce?

    i was like, he’s across the street, and pointed at the sighentology church.

    they laughed and said come on we’re huge fans simply here to deliver you this dvd from the academy.

    i said, ah HA ive finally caught you in your bed of lies, i work there now and we dont have any such group of runway models who run around hustling screeners to influencers and powerfully handsome bloggers.

    and then they started crying so i let them in because tears.

    right as i shut the door another knock sounded and i opened it and it was italian food being delivered. the ladies whipped out some cash and started playing with my cats as i hunted in my kitchen for clean dishes and glasses. failed and decided we would just eat it out of the box as we watched the powerful film.

    super great, super intense, great music, fantastic acting, and unreal directing by a guy who at 29 years old had never directed before!

    in the morning the girls asked me what my top five list of films were for this year and i said this is actually super easy:

    1. whiplash

    2. birdman

    3. the grand budapest hotel

    4. the lego movie

    5. boyhood

    and each of them kissed my cheek.