today is my first girlfriend ever marys birthday

i wonder where she is how shes doing whats going on with her. how her boys are. if she thinks about me. if she roots for the cubs.

does she have gray hair. does she still have a sweet voice. if she prays for me. i pray for her.

she both made everything fantastic for a 15 year old boy and ruined everything. because she was the prettiest, coolest, sweetest girl i knew.

how on earth did she want to talk to me on the phone? why on earth was she holding my hand. then kissing me? then being my girlfriend?

she was the best because she taught me you can approach whoever you wanted because who knows maybe theyd be into it. maybe theyd say yes.

maybe theyd see you for you. you didnt have to make up anything. you didnt have to be a tall blond blue eyed surfer guy.

you could be the biggest nerd alive and after the movie you could driver home and lean over and kiss her as tom petty was playing

and shed kiss you right back.

until her dad turned on the garage light.

then she would write notes and letters and send gifts and move away but still write and call and

mama mia.

so of course when i see its may eleventh i think of her.

you woulda too.

her breath always smelled great.

her stationary was always pretty.

and any time i heard her voice id feel just like those lucky few who make it into heaven feel:


and those are the things i shoot for still to these days.

because i know it’s possible.

even today.

shout out to my man don frances


many moons ago i was a happy bachelor living alone on 24th and Potrero in the mission district.

i had a sweet 1BD apt with a fireplace, dishwasher, washer drier in the bathroom. i even had a balcony that overlooked a church.

god i was happy.

but then don (pictured with the sexy glasses) and charlie knocked on my door and invited me to move to 591 haight street and live with them in a huge victorian.

5 bedrooms and one little bathroom.

i said no of course. why would i leave my beautiful pad? they said because of all the cool people youre gonna meet. including the women!

i said oh im up to my neck in women. all they do is come over and love me and dance around and then go home. it’s like heaven!

lies they said (and they were right) so i packed up my entire apartment and moved into one room!

i had a terrific time and fell in love with the truest and moved outta the haight house with her and never looked back, except for all the time.

now i hear Don has just had open heart surgery!

he’s ok, but a prayer would be nice.

keep Don safe and strong, Lord



with uber plus youve gotta find your spots, but its worth it

drugsthe good thing about uber plus is you make twice the amount of money per ride.

the bad thing is theres a lot less rides.

so youve gotta be patient and learn where the rides are gonna come from. which is a fun little game because when youre right you can make $50 for a 20 minute drive.

the weird thing is i never know what music to play. these are well-heeled people requesting a mercedes or beamer and they probably dont wanna hear all the booty shaking music the ladies of uber x usually respond to,

or the classic rock or grunge the fellas seem to prefer.

so i usually put on sirius 67: Real Jazz. monk, coltrane, miles, etc.

every single time i ask them “is jazz ok or would you like something different?” they say, omg this is perfect, thank you!

and then we talk and barely hear the music.

except for last night i picked up two russian dudes at mr chows and a beautiful young lady. they made me wait a whopping ten minutes which is 5 mins more than id wait on regular uber but whatevs, so i didnt even ask them if the music was ok.

it was late at night, what else could they have wanted.

but the 60ish year old guy next to me says “can you put on something with a beat? edm or rap or something?”

so i turned the dial to BPM and he started singing along telling his friends in the back that he had just been to Ultra in Miami and it was fantastic.

after a while the selena gomez / zedd tune came on and he said, hey can you turn it up and really got into it.

this is why i dont do drugs. the world is a trip all by itself.