1. Tuesday, May 26, 2015

    everyone knows youre not supposed to smoke in a man’s uber 

    dave smokingespecially when its an uber plus ride and the man’s mercedes pulls up to your country club to collect you.

    but this guy wasnt everyone, he was special.

    at least thats how he carried himself and how he talked to his groveling son in law.

    the two had been playing golf with another pair of men who they analyzed on their way to a fancy hotel in the back of my car.

    the younger man told his father in law quietly that he couldnt smoke in the uber

    the older man held the cigar out of the window

    and ashes blew all over the back seat and the carpet.

    sand from the traps that had gathered in his shoes mingled with the ashes.

    because uber plus rides are more expensive i play the sinatra channel

    and when they’re over i inspect the back seat area for lost personal items

    when i saw the sand and ashes i was grateful that we could rate our passengers.

    it’s sorta a heads up to the next driver.

    you’re not gonna really refuse a ride from anyone these days, but at least you know, oh, this guy is entitled

    and thinks the world is his ash tray.

    so you drive a few miles away and vacuum it up, and get a car wash.

    and remember who you wont be when you grow up.