1. Monday, May 11, 2015

    today is my first girlfriend ever marys birthday 

    i wonder where she is how shes doing whats going on with her. how her boys are. if she thinks about me. if she roots for the cubs.

    does she have gray hair. does she still have a sweet voice. if she prays for me. i pray for her.

    she both made everything fantastic for a 15 year old boy and ruined everything. because she was the prettiest, coolest, sweetest girl i knew.

    how on earth did she want to talk to me on the phone? why on earth was she holding my hand. then kissing me? then being my girlfriend?

    she was the best because she taught me you can approach whoever you wanted because who knows maybe theyd be into it. maybe theyd say yes.

    maybe theyd see you for you. you didnt have to make up anything. you didnt have to be a tall blond blue eyed surfer guy.

    you could be the biggest nerd alive and after the movie you could driver home and lean over and kiss her as tom petty was playing

    and shed kiss you right back.

    until her dad turned on the garage light.

    then she would write notes and letters and send gifts and move away but still write and call and

    mama mia.

    so of course when i see its may eleventh i think of her.

    you woulda too.

    her breath always smelled great.

    her stationary was always pretty.

    and any time i heard her voice id feel just like those lucky few who make it into heaven feel:

    wasted.

    and those are the things i shoot for still to these days.

    because i know it’s possible.

    even today.