met two dudes who had never seen true romance

true romance

picked them up in hollywood, late, and they wanted to go to burbank.

one of them had been in LA for a few years the other one only a few months.

as we passed the Safari Inn in north hollywood i was all, hey thats where they filmed some of true romance.

they were all what?

i was like the tarantino movie with patricia arquette.

never heard of it.

brad pitt’s in it too, briefly, hes stoned.

one of em goes theres a tarantino movie i havent seen?

i go, well he wrote it, but it does feel like one of his.

they were very excited and even though it was like 12:30 at night the one guy says

now i know what we’re doing tonight.

i was almost jealous.

i have two cats. im a cat lady.


this afternoon my maid was watering my plants on my porch

when she noticed only one of the cats was near the door.

as she searched around the apartment she got scared that one of them had run away

so she called me at work.

“tony tony, the one without the collar is gone,” she said.

look in the hallway closet i told her. sometimes he likes to put himself in timeout.

she looked but didnt find him. i said look in the bath tub, he’s weird.

she looked but no weird cat.

i gave her a few other spots but i was starting to think he had run out too.

he never goes outside and it was a beautiful day. who wouldnt want to run out in the sun?

my coworker told me i should go home and find him.

i apologized to my boss for even bothering him with such nonsense, but he understood.

the drive home was long and tedious. it was like 5pm. so many people who couldnt drive were driving.

got home, looked around. then went outside. saw a tail under the house

but it was the one eared stray.

went back in the house and grabbed the girl cat. figured she would lure the boy


and thats when i saw a paw stick out from the coffee table.

somehow he had crawled into the middle of it and couldnt get out.

or maybe the maid had closed it.

either way there we all were. me and two cats. feeling stupid.

and relieved.