jon stewart had no jokes today because racial violence

jon stewart

the best news comedian in the world today had a very somber opening monologue

he explained there would be no jokes because today wasnt a day he could joke

stewart had some biting lines that were ironic and total bulls eyes

but he was despondent because he knew they wouldnt change anything.

we’re all doomed. americans. we’re just gonna butcher each other and never grow.

for why? because some people are different than you. because perceived power.

because jealousy, fear, idiocracy, and bad parenting.

what sort of a man gives his son who owns an apartheid jacket at .45 for his birthday?

what does he think hes gonna do with that gun: save lives or end them?

God gave up on us once before. not because of sex, dont flatter yrselves

but because of senseless moronic dumbassery and violence.

gawker comments

he probably thought to himself, i made them in my image.

is that really me?

thats disgusting!

it is


and it’s never gonna end.

E3 is in town, which means a lot of foreign people are here

donald trump and neil youngthe good news is they tip when they get Ubers.

the bad news is they think it’s ok to say things like “my friend isnt here yet, would you mind waiting 5 minutes?”

why, yes, yes i would.

heres my question: what makes you think i have nothing better to do than wait for you and your friend to get it together?

heres my other question: why cant you wait for him THEN summon me?

confusing. it almost makes me think that some people are selfish with their time and yet think i should be totally generous with mine. do people really act that way?

finally, heres something they dont tell you much when you move from Uber X to Uber Plus: your rating is going to go down.

i think this is because some people dont realize when they order a Plus and then get sticker shock when the fare is 2.5x more than they expected.

even though they just took a ride in a super clean Mercedes Benz with water, cool jazz, and the greatest driver ever.

when it comes time to rate they give me a 1 or a 2 because theyre pissed at the price.

this week im at an all time low of 4.1

while driving all the drunk kids around a year ago on Uber X i’d average a 4.9 or 5.

needless to say this has not been the best Uber week for me.