the reason you have today off is because of the bass player of Tsar

people complained there were too many federal holidays, but when Ronald Reagan

heard the soothing bass lines come from the teenage Jeff Solomon’s marshall half stack

he was all, “damn, lemme sit down for a second, mommy.”

and the president sat there and put his head in his hands and just wept for a little while.

because it was beautiful.

jeff had really long hair back then and he dabbed the tears from the president’s face with it.

reagan decided there and then that today, june 8th would be a federal holiday

but his vice president

GEORGE BUSH

said, dude we can’t do this. Solomon is a jew and we cant make the first federal holiday honoring a jew

be for a teenage boy: people will talk!

but one thing nice about Dutch Reagan that people loved was, he didn’t really give a shit what people thought.

ironic. but true. and on his death bed Nancy tried to rip up the executive order making today a holiday

but Jeff had made a Xerox copy and mailed it to the library of Congress

where it sits today

and that is why we all get today off. so thank you Jeff

and thank you Ronald “Lion of Judah” Reagan for honoring our very dear friend.