today is Prince and Michael’s birthdays, they’re one

kittensthere were all these stray cats in our courtyard for a good year due to the cat lady next door who was evicted for having all of these cats in her home and hallway.

instead of taking them with her she just bailed and came back now and then to feed them.

the cats eventually wandered to our tropical courtyard and me and the neighbors feed them because they were cute and they pooped across the street in the unused grass of the big church.

i liked two cats the most, a black and white one that i named Blanket and a brown and white one i named Boldy but changed it to Wrigley. Wrigley would follow me from my car to my door and i would occasionally let him in but i respected his freedom and when he wanted to leave, i let him leave. same with Blanket.

one day Blanket seemed scratched up like he’d been in a fight. the next day he didnt come around. but the day after that he came back and he seemed even more scratched up. a week later in the middle of the night we neighbors heard such a blood curdling cry that we assumed a bald eagle had swooped down and torn one of the cats asunder.

the next day we agreed to stop feeding them because we were putting them in danger.

a few months later i stopped seeing Blanket. i figured he died.

until two little kittens appeared on my doorstep looking a lot like him.

i named them Prince and Michael.

i’d never held kittens. and these two were adorable and so sweet. i asked my neighbor what i should do and she said no way can we let them stay outside because what if that bald eagle comes back. i was all yeah. so i got some kitty litter and a box and plopped them on it and boom they peed. it was a modern miracle.

i got them some food and they ate it and feel asleep on my lap.

that was a year ago. they’ve never run out of the house. they seem very content inside running around, killing spiders and any creepy crawlers. they even killed a rodent once and that was when i loved them the most.

they are super co-dependent on each other and a joy to have around.

i dont even mind the cat hair that ends up on my clothes.

it’s their way of saying, thanks for all the fish.

heres the problem with the Khaleesi, i mean tom brady


11 out of 12 of his balls were deflated.

one out of one of his cell phones was destroyed after the NFL started asking about it.

he’s a fucking cheater and a liar and destroyer of technology.

he shouldnt have even been allowed to play in the Super Bowl, but the NFL is just as fucked up.

would any man – especially a married man with a track record of dumping his pregnant girlfriend to get with a super model – want anyone rifling through his 10,000(!) text messages? no.

and thats where he should have just accepted the 2-game suspension that the league was offering if he just owned up to it.

instead he fought it. and lost. of course he lost. he had deflated his balls! youre going to lose when you cheat, text the ball boy, lie, have a history of lying and cheating, and then destroy your cellphone.

so the problem is now Tom Brady is going to facebook(!) to whine about how the league has wronged him and how neither he did anything wrong nor did anyone on his team do anything wrong.

negro, 11 out of 12 balls were deflated!

did that happen from magic?!?

like how you have never aged or gotten injured or lost a step in your long career in the NFL?

the only magic that exists is the fact that you even got to play in the Super Bowl after being caught cheating in the playoffs.

i know of no other place that would see someone cheating and let them continue their season without punishment and then wait months and months and months to come to a conclusion about something that was proven minutes after the playoff game.

THAT would have been the time to seize said Samsung phone.

THAT would have been the time to question the stuttering equipment dude.

THAT would have been the time to question the Golden Boy for 14 hours.

instead the league dragged their feet in hopes that their worst nightmares wouldnt be true: the face of their beloved and hugely profitable league wasn’t a dirty fucking cheater and liar and breaker of korean wireless communication.

the problem with Tom Brady is he has literally had his dick sucked so often that he thinks he can get away with whatever he wants to get away with.

sorry bro, the suck stops here.

got out of my ride and felt stiff

randomly searchedis this what getting old is like?

i drive so much, thats probably the problem. i feel great though. my hands my fingers, my legs. when you have rides all the aches go away.

but still, i cant go on like this.

theres a gym across the street from my work im thinking about joining. all i do at lunch is spend money. what a waste.

may as well run one day. lift the next day. do yoga the third day and get all of this back together.

i used to be an all star athlete.


when i walk down the street i dont feel like an old man. i park in a place thats actually a medical facility.

seeing the old people struggle to get in and out of their cars with the help of their filipino assistances is scary as hell.

these people didnt look like this when they were my age.

i dont know if i will live to 90 but if i do i dont want to be the people i see every morning.

i want to ride my hoverboard to the spot, ollie over a station wagon, jump off of it, and have it flip into my fanny pack.

like Al Gore intended.

these are my goals.


took an Australian girl to the airport


eighteen, nineteen, who knows. she was impressed by everything i did and said.

and the whole night was like that it seemed.

i only like to do one or two long rides on weekend nights for a few reasons.

mostly my hands and arms but as soon as i dropped her off i got another ping.

then im driving across town to koreatown heading home and i get another

this one was a traveling salesman from milwaukee. we hit it off too.

micktalk talk talk.

to the airport marriot. fine.

then as im fixin to get on the 105 i get pinged again! what madness is this?

monday night?!?!

headed to inglewood. close to the forum. dark street.

its a black girl and her aunt and her mom. big suitcases.

big suitcases make me think they meant to get an Uber XL and not an Uber Plus.

XLs are mini vans. perfect for luggage.

well we put one of the suitcases in the passenger seat and the women squeeze in the back.

as soon as we are in i say

ok the most important question of the day: what sorta music would you like to hear?

they laugh and say what i have on is fine.

i hit go on the app and it says we’re going to LAX, no duh.

so i say, ok are we going somewhere fun?

almost in unison they say JAMACIA!

so i say oh well lets hear some reggae mon!

and we listen to reggae and talk about weed and sitting by a pool

and soul food and jerk chicken

and tacos

when it was over they tipped me $5 and i turned off the app

took the 105 to the 110 to the 101

and sang bob marley all the way to hollywood.

picasso was never called an asshole

picassowhen youre young you never worry about your health, your retirement fund, or obama spying on your skype chats

but when you get older that kink in your back lingers, your hands have to be treated with kid gloves

and you have to watch out getting out of the couch too quickly or you’ll throw something out.

it’s no way to live and makes you feel like youre gonna die.

heres the things i wanna do and know before i publish my last post:

did i really live. did i really love.

did all the unique stories that i could tell get told.

will the good Lord be happy that i walked and talked and rocked around this beautiful crust.

or was all of this a terrible waste.

picasso worked and worked and everything in his workshop was beautiful AND looked like picassos.

there was a time when the things i wrote looked like ee or bukowski or william carlos williams

and then the motors started humming and not only was it all about the busblog but ppl started imitating



but was i saying anything? was i telling the good news of the Lord? was i shining a light on LA in a different way than everyone else who has come here and lived?

before i croak theres a lot more secret stories that i feel uncomfortable telling even on this blog that i want to tell because they were important to me.

i always thought id start at 50 years old because thats when bukowski did it but sadly working for the xbi has made it so rough on my body i have no idea if i’ll make it to 50.

so i need to start writing those things down sooner than later or else who else will write them?

those are the things i worry about on a monday morning when the hot water heater is busted and i look forward to a cold shower on a summer day in 2015.

glad im alive and fixing to be super aware of errything.

yesterday was the day, boy


all weekend really. friday i picked up two black lesbian dominatrixes from their nail appointment in beverly hills.

we drove to south central and they told me about the femme-ey ones sugar daddy

and how he likes to wear her panties because its been so close to privates.

it was uber x and it was surging so i was making decent money and they wanted to stop off to get some money at a house

then go to the smoke shop then go home. all the way we were listening to power 106

talking about how we liked rihanna over beyonce, eminem over jay-z

these were my people. i was their man. but they didnt need no man.

only man they needed was the guy paying for the uber as we drove an hour across town.

then i met a mexican director who i picked up at the riot house.

he told me that leo dicaprio will win an oscar.

not this, but next, antonio.

downtown LA

everything i tried worked. the music sounded good. my hands didnt get sore.

i barely peed. and when i did i did it from an overpass in downtown.


do you let people do coke in your car? the tougher looking black girl said.

i said, i was put reflect freedom.

she said, am i crazy to let my girl get with old rich white men?

i said, we are nobody’s. we are everybody’s.

uh huh!

seriously, im 100% into this ride. i dont want to be with anyone else.

but when we’re done, i’ll miss you, i’ll think about you and you.

but whoever’s next i’m with them, one hundred.

shouldnt i be?

the snooty fox

but then yesterday. oh man, yesterday.

i liked to be out there at 8am on saturdays. airport runs. but i slept in. i was turrred.

my body’s all confused from drinking then not drinking coke.

i was on a strict one can a day diet. but then i read all this nonsense about

just how bad it is to drink even one can of coke a week!

so i got out there at 11am and i was rolling.

i had only made $175 all week and i really wanted closer to $400 because i was about to buy my tickets to chicago in september

and i wanted to fly Virgin and not Spirit.

for some reason i decided to go downtown since i had such fun there on friday.

soon as i get there i get a ping from a hotel and its a nice couple from santa fe springs

who want to go to the Grove.

they were having a cute staycation in the big city.

they wanted to do all the things they never did when they were in college here.


but the best ride was also the one where i got the lowest rating.

some guy ordered a porn star hooker to come down to this beach resort an hour away

she was wearing this see thru number, looked amazing.

she texted the whole time and made a few phone calls. it was from them that i deduced her profession.

we barely talked which is sad because i was super curious about her and i had picked up another porn star on her block about a year ago.

do they own the whole block?

pretty much the only thing we talked about in any depth was which way to go.

waze was telling me to take La Cienega through Inglewood

but the way she was dress, and the fact i knew the Phish show was about to let out, thus heavy traffic

plus i knew the 10 to the 405 would be way faster, made me ask

hey do you mind if i take the freeway?

she said she didnt care.

naturally when we approached the fancy resort she got a text from the dude who ordered her

and me

that i had “taken the long way”.

after checking my last rides, sure enough, i got 7 5-star reviews, 1 4-star (you cant win em all), and 1 1-star

i guess that was the guy who was mad that his smoking hot hooker pornstar

cost him $118 just for the ride.

and chose to take it out on my ratings.

girls girls girls

an hour from hollywood to rancho pv on a saturday night is “the long way”?

it was Only an hour and i even pulled over at a gas station to buy her a pack of gum

because she didnt have her ATM card on her.

she had very little on her.

after i dropped her off i figured what the heck maybe someone is trying to get out of this gorgeous sea side resort

and boom, a mom, her son, and his girlfriend had just spent all day there at a wedding

so we uber x’ed it a half hour away and i made another $10

used that money on jack in the box and took the 110 back to DTLA for one more ride.

got lucky by taking some sweet kids from the Nokia, sorry, the Microsoft Theatre to Sunset Junction

aka right by my house.

the Lord was looking out for me, thats for sure.

and i ended the week with $450.

so i bought the tickets.

never surrender

heidi on the red carpeti had lunch yesterday with the glamorous heidi who used to do sales for the la times and metromix. we talked about the good and bad things regarding our favorite local paper and how sad it was that so many of the mistakes would have been so easy to overcome.

many were rooted in the fundamentals: lack of honest communication, trust, and courage.

politics plays a big role, which is also sad. and makes me think that all of these things should be taught in high school because they will follow you anywhere you work.

then she talked about how guys dont want to settle down, and focused on the word settle, which is something i never considered before. the negative of that word means you are deciding to spend the rest of your life with someone who isnt your top choice. but the positive is like what a house does: roots itself into a stronger foundation.

i dont think anyone should do the negative thing. people should remain optimistic. only be with others who you click with in regards to romantic relationships. there are waaaay too many good souls out there, why sell out for ppl who dont give you butterflies? why commit to those who you’re just going to bicker with forever?

life is so short, the options are so plentiful, history tells us so much. the stats show how many marriages end in divorce. havent we learned that thats because so many of us get hitched for the wrong reasons?

never settle when talking about long term commitments.

my long time blog buddy keira-anne is in town with her new husband and it’s so nice to see that because she held out for the right man for her, she ended up with a solid dude. a fire fighter, a canadian, and a gentleman. it can happen. it Does happen. but it can only happen if you allow the options to make its way to you.

quiet company plays today in silver lake. they’ll make you believe in greatness.

why westwood is screwed

westwood back in the day

in order to rest my arms and wrists i only ubered once yesterday, but it was a good one.

picked up this real estate guy in beverly hills and we drove to hollywood and talked LA real estate, specifically westwood nearly all the way.

he lives in westwood so he had a personal stake in my question which was: how on Earth could somewhere like the Westwood Village be surrounded by so much affluence and yet struggle in the commercial district?

he said it has been a perfect storm of two things

there was a driveby shooting infront of a dance club 25 years ago and the neighbors overreacted and imposed all these rules on businesses in westwood that disallowed live music, pool tables, dancing, and pretty much anything that would attract

a certain element

from coming into the village and repeating the thing that happened a generation ago.

the other thing was he said one family owns 90 percent of the commercial real estate up and down westwood blvd in the village. and that family does not care one bit if there are vacancies. it’s all a tax write off and meanwhile they can charge exorbitant rents and some will pay but others will say forget it and go somewhere else.

he also said that todays UCLA student studies waaaay more than the students in the 80s and therefore they dont care that theres no dance clubs or bars or anything other than Pho, Diddy Reese, and In n Out. they made it into their top school and theyre gonna graduate in four years.

and those greek kids who Do like to party will just take an Uber to Hollywood and dance over there.

thus Westwood is screwed, probably forever, and will never return as the center of fun in LA for young people.

the end.